I am funny.
I don't care what anyone says. I am the funniest person I know.
I believe the mark of a truly funny person is when they make jokes when half asleep or when wildly drunk.
Last night I was asleep and my friend called from Arizona.
It was 10:45 her time. She asked what time it was here. I said "12:15". I meant to say 12:45 but I was half asleep and I couldn't get the words out.
She explain that it is was not possible it was 12:15....
I said "I am in my own time zone, bitch"
Maybe it isn't that funny. But it really was. I am funny.
I think one of the funniest things I ever said was when I was wildly drunk at Stanford and I was causing all kinds of trouble trying to escape this dorm lunchroom that the rich bitches at Stanford put us up in.
Side note: You know how I feel about private schools. This fact only feeds my disapproval: Ummmm...hello? That was the richest school we ever stayed at and it was the worst in hospitality. What? Did they think that at state schools we actually lived in the cafeteria, hence we would feel at home? Probably. Whatever - I am sure that 90% of Stanford graduates run around with a stick lodged up their ass and that is uncomfortable and makes for an unhappy individual...if they are trying to figure out why they are unhappy - I would say the stick and...they paid $150K for an undergrad degree. You are smart.
I hope Stanford is in fact private after I made all my comments. I also hope I offended everyone that went to a fancy private school. I am kidding - this is not meant to offend. People are only offended who take themselves too seriously. Which if you went to a private school...you probably do. HAHAHAHAHA.
So anyway...there I was trying to escape and I said: "I could escape this Alcatraz, if only I had an accomplice"
Given the area we are in: One must admit...it was clever. I am clever little hell raising state school educated drunk.
I had no memory of saying this. So when I was told I did...I couldn't stop laughing or congratulating myself on how darn funny I am.