I am officially off Grey's Anatomy.

That program SUCKS.

It is fine if you watch it, lord knows, I may wander back to that place eventually...I just ask that everyone admits that it SUCKS.

The only other TV program I have ever been this annoyed with this Sex and the City.

YES....every woman on earth - GASP!

Admit that the show is stupid. It was actually funny the first 2 or 3 years. Then it went down the shitter.

UGH! The damn cliches with the shoes and shopping? LAME.

The fact that they are allegedly these strong independent woman -- YET - they can't cook a meal for themselves or plug a TV in the wall.

Gag me. Get real. It is not cute, it is not funny, it is not interesting.

The Barbie Card Catastrophe

It is with the GREATEST disappointment that I inform my loved ones:

I WILL NOT be sending a Barbie Holiday card this year.

This year....Babs looks like a slut.

I like my Babs classy and sophisticated, not whored out like something you might find in the December issue of an adult magazine.

Needless to say, I remain horrified by the entire situation. I think I will write a letter about the card. In fact...I will.

Prepare yourselves for a new and exciting card this year.

...something not involving a plastic doll that appears to have just got done giving a $10 Holiday special hand job.

I Saw...

Mommy Kissing Santa Claus.

I was about 23 when I finally understood this f-ing song. I am slow.

I have a million stories about me doing dumb crap. The humidifier story is my favorite.

I have theory that people that admit and laugh at the stupid things they say, do, and think are happier and more intelligent then people that can't admit they, in fact, don't know everything.

I was a know-it-all in my previous existence. I apologize to anyone I annoyed.

Stop on Red

Today I was out driving about town. I encountered the following sign:


What in God's name does that mean?

I sat in my car, at the red light - wanting to turn right...screaming "STOP ON RED AFTER TURNS!?!?!?!?! STOP ON RED AFTER TURNS!?!?!?!?!?! WHAT?!??!?!? STOP ON RED AFTER TURNS!?!?!?!?! WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?!?!?!??! STOP ON RED AFTER TURNS?!?!?!"

I was not sure if this was some kind of Old English for "No turn on red"

If anyone could tell me what the heck that means, I would appreciate it.

The only thing I could come up with is that you are to stop at the light, if you just turned onto the road, and the light is red....but where would you not have to do that?

Knocked Down

I viewed the movie, Knocked Up, this weekend:

I have some things to say:

1. What was all this buzz of a gross birth scene? I was picturing something like that movie Miracle of Life or perhaps the home video I watched of my friend birthing her child. Something involving more blood and fluid. I was not repulsed by it. This is coming from someone whose stomach turns when you say the word: Hospital

2. was not that funny. There were reports that this was the funniest movie ever. There were some humorous parts but it was not THAT funny. I would not run around saying it was anything near side splitting.

3. The movie is a complete farce. No self-respecting woman gets knocked up by a guy with no job or hope for a job and decides to keep the baby. The only reason to ever keep a baby in that situation is if that man has been listed in Forbes. "I live at my sister’s house, you have no job, I don’t know you, you smoke 3 lbs of pot daily, time to start a family." What?

Two Annoying Things:

1. The Aisle Sitter.

The bus is full. People are standing. Some selfish bastard is sitting in the aisle seat of a two seat bench, leaving the window seat empty.

I hate these people. Move the F over. Jesus Christ. Are you that rude? Then someone asks to sit there and they act as though they were asked to cut off their arm.

It is not like if you sat by the window and your stop came up, you would be unable to leave the bus. You are not locked into that space until your seat partner's stop comes up.

I think these people should be kicked or punched in the face instead of asked to release the seat they are saving for their invisible friend.

2. The Obvious Stater at a Meeting

Some people just enjoy the sound of their own voice. They really think the entire group in a meeting wants to know their opinion on every decision that is made.

Dude - get over yourself.

Yes, we agree that Plan A is better than Plan B. But that is not good enough for you. You must now give a 10 minute speech on why Plan A is the best option. You do not stop at repeating all points previously made, but you then add another recap of your own personal opinions on the matter that are the same you said in the first half of your speech only in different words.

You are not a profound genius. You are a royal pain in the time wasting ass.

In addition we had a little craft project of sorts going on while the original discussion was going on. We were folding little boxes - while you were giving your speech I was unfolding and refolding the little boxes you made because you were incapable of folding them correctly. Perhaps you should concentrate on that instead of thinking up how you are going to repeat everything that was said and state the obvious.

HAHAHA - Anyone?!?! Anyone that I worked with me in AZ - Remember how I would make all new employees erect a file folder box in front of everyone. I was so mean. That was my test to see how well directions could be followed. I was such a JERK. Everyone would get all flustered and I would holler from my thrown "just follow the directions!!!"

What a jerk. My interviews were cake. Then - on your first day I had everyone stare at you while you made a box. Who does that?

OHHH - I am cracking myself up at what a funny boss I was. The multiple choice quiz on why everyone overstuffed the file boxes? The one answer was "I like tight box"..hahahahaha!!!

How I would be all hung over and make my employees drive to Circle K to get me Sunkist soda. Didn't that Lindsay girl get in a car accident that one time I sent her out?

How I told Buffy I'd rather shovel shit then do my job and she gave me a raise and moved me to another department.

Good Times. Good Times.

Whatever...I worked like 12 hour days and was paid a slave wage.

The Wisdoms and the Gap Stay

I went to the dentist today.

I have not been there in over a year because last time he mentioned something about a cavity and I fled.

First...I had to drive to work so I could leave at noon instead of like 11AM. I have nothing to do at work so this was dumb - but really it is all about me being lazy. It cost me $28 to park at work. Dental health and laziness make for an expensive cocktail.

I should also make it clear that although I live in the city, I go to my childhood dentist in Lombard. I travel the distance because he is the only dentist I trust.

I will now refer to him simply as "Dentist"

Dentist understands that under no circumstance will I have my wisdom teeth removed. I will let them rot back there if need be. I am not interested in dry sockets or nerve damage. Although I am interested in a prescription to pain killers. But, more than that - I like my wisdom teeth. They are my favorite teeth. Well, second favorite. My favorite teeth are my front ones.

It turns out my wisdoms have cavities and the gum around my wisdoms are not the healthiest in all the land. So Dentist asks me if I want to get rid of them. I say "NO! I like them"

I wheel and deal with Dentist. I agree to have the cavities filled and he can replace two silver fillings that I have been housing in my molars since the mid to late 80' long as the wisdom teeth stay.

Then I tell him that I fear the space between my front two teeth will grow if the wisdoms are removed. I feel like they are the anchors in this classy mouth. And my gap is the PERFECT size. I don't want to mess with it.

So he starts inspecting my mouth and tells me he is trying to figure out how to take care of the gap, as close it up.


I bite his fingers right out of my mouth. (not really)

"no! I like the gap. I am keeping the gap"

He made a face. "Okay" he said "Usually people want that closed up"

"Not me" I say "I wouldn't be me, without my gap...I'd look weird"

Dentist probably thinks I am a obsession with my wisdoms and my gap.

But it is who I am, wise and gappy.