The Rickster

Ricky Gervais is by far one of the funniest people on planet earth.
He is a genius.
You like the US Office? That has nothing on his is humor. He kills.

I remember in AZ years ago my friend Charlie, urging me to listen to him and this fellow, Karl. Back in those olden days we didn't have the podcast and such.

If you enjoy a laugh......

This was the latest I got that killed me.

"A barefoot dwarf, around town. Which in some countries is evil"

How does one NOT throw their head back and laugh in hysterics?

Go to:

http://youtu.be/R2WdFgp6S3w

The Adventure of Ms. Tippee Canoe Part 2

I hate seagulls.

Sometimes they gather in mass quantities in the park across from my house and it sounds like a million children being tortured.

I was at the beach once and I thought someone threw a turkey sandwich at me. I became irate...wondering who threw it and where the sandwich vanished to. Then I realized...a seagull crapped on me.

Here is a gull:

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Upon the Chicago River there is much diversity. One case is the diversity of the white duck. Some white ducks are normal...others are part of the Tea Party and enjoy sporting some kind of wig and toting a musket. You can't see the musket....but it was there.

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I have an idea. Get yourself a pontoon boat, charge $30 per head for a haunted voyage on the Chicago River. Make up a bunch of crap and then sail past here. It is disturbing. The echoing sounds of the hounds of hell. It sounds like approximately 82 dogs trapped in a dungeon of some sort. DO NOT leave your dog at "Stay" in NorthCenter...or your dog will be part of this horrifying chorus.

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I don't care for people that walk across sidewalks, blocking people like me. The people that walk at a fast pace. I certainly don't care for those that kayak across an entire river...thinking two fools would be able to navigate between them...

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I enjoy telling people I use "the power of prayer" for nearly anything that seems inevitable without taking the proper precautions. For instance: last night the pilot light in my oven was out. I had smelled gas for over a week and kept turning on the burners...they work....must be fine. I never experienced a pilot light out in the oven. So, being an absurdly independent woman that likes to solve all problems by herself...IMMEDIATELY....I stuck my head in the oven and with a tiny match just started dicking around. The whole time...I knew this WAS NOT a good idea.

I relied on the power of prayer to keep me safe.

I did not rely on the power of prayer. It is just something I say when I act a fool.

I said this to some fellow river people. Amber was embarrassed. But then...like the beacon of truth..the steeple of a church emerged in the distance. Power of prayer ... indeed.

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That's it. Amber and I will have more adventures one the river. I need a better shot of the spacious closet.

The Adventures of Ms. Tippee Canoe

Ever since I relocated myself to Chicago, I have been wanting to row on the river. AND....suddenly it is October and the option is no longer available....next year....next year, I tell myself. Like every good Cub fan says: Next year...

Well - it finally happened! And luckily I am still in possession of the flip cam. Petro family: you may have to pry it out of my cold dead hands. I realize you have your children's milestones to record...but I have canoe voyages on a river and drunken escapades to record....

Now if you keep up with my life you know I was put at the helm of a sailboat last year after I had a few drinks. Not pretty. Well...turns out: I just plain suck at steering a water vessel. Although at the end of the two hour trip I was awesome.

This was the first video. As you can tell from the melee of the first few moments...it is not wise for someone that has never operated a canoe to attempt to use a video recording device while operating said canoe.

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It is like Deliverance out on the river. Just waiting for a banjo playing inbred mutant child and some toothless hillbilly that wants to make you squeal like a pig to pop out at any moment. I'm not sure that was the right tune I was doing...anyway - my canoe partner, Amber doesn't know that difference between a horsefly and a dragonfly. She continued to refer to them as horseflies throughout the voyage although I let her know they were dragonflies. I let it go. No big deal. But...I need something to write about in this blog.

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We had several crashes into the banks of the mighty Chicago River. Naturally, I was quick with the video and quick to save us. I had it all under control. The screaming was when we were tipping....never tipped over!!!

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Eventually we probably pissed off some dude on his boat. Again...we had no control of the canoe. Luckily when moving out of his way we happened upon some white ducks. The Mallard is so pedestrian...I know you want to see the white ducks. And you are all racist so if ain't white...

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Even the poorest folk in Chicago can enjoy the luxuries of waterfront living. Here we see someone's nest. It is possible you can not tell but they had an extremely spacious closet and their walls were decorated with priceless art by perhaps The Latin Kings or another well known 'art' group of the area.

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Then we came upon a small stretch of the Chicago River that is known as the Ft. Lauderdale of the Chicago River. * Note: I realize it is "Rollin" and not "Rowin" ... but I was rowing so...it was done.

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We eventually we able to take in the beauty of nature and the absolute disgust of the river. The Chicago River is wilderness and the thrills of urban pollution married into one delightful yet horrifying package. On camera you will her Amber coining the phrase "Wurban". The Chicago river is Wuburn.

We ran across some kayakers and the gentleman rolled over. Not safe...NOT SAFE. Not because of the threat of drowning but more the threat of bacteria. His female companion tried to circle back and collect his lost water bottle as not to pollute. She had a hard time and I proclaimed "When in Rome, do as the Romans do". There is already so much garbage in that shit river it need not matter. OF course because I am a self-loving ego-maniac constantly looking to amuse and delight people...I again used the Roman thing when we landed our vessel when speaking of some gum wrappers.

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That's it. I can't handle anymore....it ends at Wurban....