I am adding more photos to my blog.

This is from this weekend. In the photo with me is Rachel. It was her birthday celebration. She was born 4 years and 1 day after me. Wow. I am old.

To get up to The Grafton I took the ol' L.

Of course nothing can be normal.

As I walked to the L, I was stalked by a cab.

It never fails. Every time you need a cab. When you can't get one - they are honking at you as to lure you in their cab. I love when they do this when you are standing underneath a bus stop sign. It is ridiculous. Am I clearly standing at a bus stop? Is my hand in the air? So I probably don't need a cab.

This time - I was actively stalked. The man actually rolled down his window and was talking to me and slowing driving down the road:

"You want a free cab ride?"
"I give you a free ride"
"Come on, get in my cab"
"I give you ride anywhere"
"Happy Easter"

I refuse to take 'free' cab rides.

Dear Spring,

Where are you? This is a photo from my neighborhood this morning. This is not spring.

Actually, you know what spring??? I don't even like you. You are my least favorite season. You and your empty promises of arrival come in dead last on my season list.

You make me sweat when it is 70 degrees out. You leave the town wet, muddy and generally icky. You can never decide if you are staying or not. You come for a few days then skip town. You are a flake.

Never show up if you don't want. See if I care. Go ahead - see if I care. I don't! Summer can march right into Chicago and I will be a happy lady. I don't need you.

Kind Regards,

Do not mess with the door.

This is the face of anger.

'Anger at the Starbucks' is what I call this photo.

People are oblivious to what is going on around them. How does one not note that they did not close a door when it is 32 degrees outside?

Yup - just swing that door right open, make the grand entrance you so deserve and have no regard for shutting the door.

I was at the 24 hour Starbucks this evening, getting some work done and apparently only 50% of the population closes doors when they are flung open. I could see thinking the door was meant to be open if perhaps it was pleasant out. But it is slushy and freezing. Clearly the door is meant to be closed. Close it behind you. And if you meet the door already open, close it, you FOOL.

Eventually, I decided that I would haul over to the retail Starbucks propaganda area, grab a ceramic mug for sale, break it, as to create a sharp edge and then slice the throat of the next person who left the door open.

This is me watching the door like a hawk every time I sensed movement in the door's vicinity.

"Go ahead" I would think to myself, every time a patron wandered in or out, "leave that door open. I will kill you, you mother f*cker. I am not kidding. I will kill you. This is not a joke. Go ahead, leave that door open"

I was soon convinced that I had mind control over everyone. Because if I placed the threat out there...they closed the door. But every time I did not have my eyes on that door...it was left open. Then I would look around the establishment, thinking "alright, which one of you mother f*ckers left that door open. Which one of you sneaky f*cks, left the damn door open? Tell me. I will kill you. I am not kidding"

Finally ... I caught someone leaving the door open. Sadly, it was a policeman so I felt it was better not to sacrifice him for my cause.

I gots nothing....

My life is full of taxes and the like.

Ummmmmmmm.....I turn 31 on Thursday....March 20.

This fact makes me ill. But I will live.

Eventually I will forget how old I am...until next year.

Did you know, that I am born on the last day of the astrological calender and according to the stars....that makes me the most evolved human.

Clearly you have been wondering why and how I am so wise yet witty...well...that explains it.

You will note that one of my updated songs is: Absentstar's, For God Sakes.

This is the coolest song of the moment.

If you enjoy my blog, perhaps you should march your arse to ITunes and purchase the song for the low price of 99 cents.

Do it.

It is my friend's band. Support your up and coming musicians. Do it.

I said...DO IT.

You know how they have drives on Public Radio to get you to give them money? Then you do give them money because you find you do listen to them?

Well this is the same thing.

If you enjoy my blog...STOP BEING CHEAP and SPEND THE DIME on my friend's song.

It will make you cool.

We all want to be cool.

Do you understand....

...how much thought goes into the musical selection on my blog? Do you?

Probably not.

It is VERY hard to think of songs on the spot. And I am not good at remembering artists and titles. UGH...it is a nightmare. I may discontinue the music.

It is March. March is the birth month for everyone in my family. Hence the current selection mentions family in some manner.

You may wonder what "The End" is all about. Well...I couldn't think of a father song. And I wasn't about to be lame. It is the end of the song where it comes in. Sometimes...I want to kill my dad. But in an affectionate manner.

This is an oddity:

My sister is born on my father's birthday - March 5.
I am born on my grandfather's birthday (as in my dad's dad) - March 20.
My mother is March 24.

It should be noted that on March 22, 1977 - my mother dropped me down the stairs. I survived. That is right...I am indestructible.

Anyway - I won a contest when I was born. My grandfather (who would have been 100 years old this year) stated that if any grandchild was birthed on his birthday they would win a prize. That being...a $100 savings bond.

Oh yes...start your engines for that $100.

Since I am born of fertile peasant stock...most of my cousins are also born within days of my fabulous day of birth. If you are a fertile peasant you can plan such things. If you are of high class royalty stock you can not. It is the only benefit of being of peasant stock: fat, healthy, well planned offspring.

Don't challenge me. It is true. Why do you think people on welfare have 900 children? Because they come from the peasant stock. Why do you think rich people adopt Asian children? Because they don't have the fertility of the peasants...too much inbreeding in their ancestors.

Peasants liked to f*ck anyone, preferably not their brother. Royalty of yesteryear liked to f*ck their cousins.

I am making light of a serious situation. I recently looked into freezing eggs as I want to have babies (not now) and I am mateless.

It comes down to this:

It costs $10,000 to freeze eggs.

I can either save $10,000 so I have a down payment on a living space and have spoiled eggs.
Or I can freeze my eggs and one day be the old woman that lived in a shoe that had so many children she didn't know what to do.

Either way...I am screwed.

This is where being of that royalty stock pays off...you can buy anything. Babies, houses, cars....but when you are a peasant you are just a fertile womb with no where to go but an enormous shoe.

I love it

I have filed a complaint with the city against my management company.


I feel like I have done a citizen's arrest.

Although...I am sure nothing will come of it. Allegedly an inspector has been notified. I don't know what this inspector does but I am hoping he comes by in a trench coat and and a 40's style hat armed with a small pad of paper and takes notes.

However - I wish I could find the idiot that created the problem. I would have them take the garbage to the alley and then I would strap them nude to the pile. I would leave them there over night...so the rats could have their way with them.

When I first moved to Chicago I did not understand that 311 was the general city line for all your city problems. I thought it was specifically a rat hotline.

Yes...I thought the city had an entire hotline dedicated to the rat problem. Fool.


I live in an apartment building of idiots.

About one month ago an accumulation of garbage began in the laundry facilities.

There is a conveniently located dumpster on the south side of the building. But apparently someone's butler had the last month off and they had taken to leaving their garbage in the laundry area.

This would not bother me if was - let's say...paper products. Perhaps then I would take it as a protest to the lack of a recycling program.

But no. It is fried chicken, coke cans, and left over Chinese take out.

I've called the management company 3 times. They are NOT taking care of it.

Last week someone posted a sign telling everyone they are disgusting.

I applaud that.

So today...garbage is still there.

So I took the time to post this:

Dear Rats and Cockroaches,
Please find your way into the building and feast on the below buffet. Then, when you are done please take residence in the apartments.

What in god's name are these people thinking?

You can't leave food products out and about for a month and not expect various beasts to find it.

That is why we have this public service that removes our trash weekly.

I am horrified.

I am calling 311 to report my management company.