Proof of Peasantry


It has come to my attention that I am indeed of peasant stock. I require no sunscreen. My skin just deflects damaging UV rays. I was out riding my bike for at least 2.5 hours today in the sun without sunscreen. There is no change in color to my arms. None. If there is it is so slight I can not tell.

Thousands of years of my peasant people farming or possibly it is my Scandanavian Viking roots. When you have your ass in a field at age two or you are working a large ship and raping and pillaging all the live long day...this is what you give your lineage.

Of course I do burn - but it takes a long time. Sometimes it happens when I don't expect it - but for the most part...I require no screen.



I do apply the sunscreen to my face, everyday. But this is just to prevent premature aging and more importantly - to prevent my Juan Valdez. What is my Juan Valdez? It is this skin discoloration above my lip. No this is not unsightly hair. I remove the hair and the Juan Valdez is still present. This started happening two summers ago and now I am crazy for preventing it. Go ahead...stare at me sometime in the summer...you may see my Juan Valdez.

4 comments:

Lindsey J said...

Um..you mean its your Dirty Sanchez. Ew.

Muffin Cake said...

Remember when we were in SLC and we went on a journey to see if we could wax Juan off? (Wax juan off totally sounds like a masturbation joke, but whatever.) THAT was a good time. We left: you with Juan still there, me looking like someone had beat me about the browbone with a metal ruler.

Mere said...

LINDSEY!...how dare you compare my Juan Valdez to a near criminal sex act...

Lindsey J said...

haaha! When are you bitches coming to visit again?