5 thoughts from the past few days

1. I do not care for Matthew McConaughey. I am not a conventional lady and I don't find him physically attractive. Too skinny. See post on David Beckham. But regardless of his looks. He is f-ing annoying. I mean really...do you really want to sit around and listen to his zen-excessive-dope-smoking-hippy-horsecrap? I think not. He is the kind of person that thinks they are smart and have it all figured out and in reality you just want to sit them down and say "Hey...I need you to understand you are dumb, possibly partially mentally disabled in some way. Please don't speak unless you are talking about the color of your shoes"

2. I favor the northern part of the U.S. to the southern.

3. Why is it when you hit the volume on a TV, the meter comes up across the bottom on the screen? Really it should come up the side, since the bottom is where subtitles and other information is located. This is a design flaw that needs to be addressed.

4. Why is it that I can't carry more than 3 oz. of liquid on a plane but someone can carry on their cat? The cat has more than 3 oz. of liquid in it and it is not even in a zip lock bag. If someone can board a plane with their dander spreading beast than I should be able to bored a plane with a liter of balsamic vinegar and light up a cigarette or a crack pipe.

5. I thought of becoming a flight attendant this weekend until I realized that I freak out about turbulence. I lean over and start begging The Maker to spare my life so I can get married and have some kids. At the very least spare my life until I loose at least 30 lbs. Why? Because in any situation when people die in freak occurrences - the will show a photo on the news. You know the drill: If it is an attractive thin girl, people think: Poor girl. That is so sad. It it is a chubby girl, people think: Oh well...perhaps now that the earth has been relieved of her weight some how global warming will be reversed, good riddance.

Now I really freaked out on the landing on this trip because of this:

The flight attendant says that we need to prepare for landing early since there are thunderstorms. "Blah blah put your seats up, store your carry-ons. OH - and just as a reminder - if there is an emergency landing you do need to leave your carry-ons behind. Thanks"

WHAT?

Is that foreshadowing?

Is that plane crash foreshadowing?

You are allowed to speak of emergency landings ONCE...and that is the in beginning of the flight. Not at then end when we are talking about thunderstorms.

We begin smooth flying....no turbulence. Nothing. Great. We have no landing gear. They forgot to de-ice the plane. The hydraulics are messed up. We have lost all engine power. We are going to die. We are going to land in Busse Woods and get eaten by savage deer. I could not find the station with the cockpit audio. I am left to assume I will soon be jumping into a large yellow slide...if I am lucky. Clearly they want to tell no one of our impeding doom as not to cause any kind of in-flight pandemonium.

Turns out...we lived.

7 comments:

Amber said...

OK, what's up with thought number 2? Have you ever been to the south? don't insult my people! we are the reason you get to have a bb gun in the first place....

Lindsey J said...

I cannot stand M.M. - he is not hot. Emile Hirsh - he is skinny but hot.

Muffin Cake said...

I am amused as usual.

I must say, though, that I would think many people using subtitles (AKA 'The Blind') are not so bothered by the volume of the TV.

Mere said...

Sometimes movies say a location or give some info on the bottom.

Plus - WHAT? Do the deaf only hang out with the deaf? I think not. Just because you are unwilling to watch a movie with deaf - doesn't mean that others are not...I welcome the deafs.

I hope Sadhana rads this comment and remembers that deaf party we were at. That was weird.

Mere said...

oh...you were talking blind. Do blind people watch tv? Oh wait...I think you meant deaf.

natalie said...

Muffin Cake -
Do blind people use subtitles? Can they all of a sudden read???

Lisa said...

Good call about the volume on the TV. I agree that needs to be addressed by the electronics industry at once! This confusion must be eliminated.