I will now be happy...

...I am no longer going to freak out about being all 31 and unmarried.

What freaks me the most about this is that I will get married late and it will too late for me to have children. And if I do - they will have issues.

Then...it dawned on me....my grandmother was 36 when she had my father and my grandfather was 40....

and that was in 1947.

Now - I am not saying my father does not have issues with rage - but he can function as an individual in society.

What the heck am I worrying about if my grandma was near social security when she had my dad??

I am a fool...this goes back to the peasant issue.

POWER TO THE PEASANTS! POWER! Royals and their deformed babies at age 30. I scoff at them.

You know what - I might not be in line for receiving any kind of royal inheritance...but I can have normal children in my mid to late 30's. And those kids will be warriors....WARRIORS...never to burn in the sun or fall ill to some alleged influenza. Is this real? I have never had this alleged illness...it is for cry babies. And NO - I am NOT getting that shot when I am with child - they will have to chase me down the street with it. My children are also not getting the chicken pox vaccine. I will send my kids to a chicken pox party like I was sent to. It wasn't a party - I was just sent to play with the neighbors because I was like 8 and never had them.

Why did I never have them? Peasant Blood. When you need to work in the field at 5 - you have no time for The Pox.

My mother also never took us to the doctor...you had to be coughing blood or a bone sticking out of your skin. It was like a getting a time out in rugby. But...I have been on antibiotics 5 times (and that is being generous) in my life. As I always say - my immune system could kill a bull with his balls tied up.

I gotta hand it to the peasants...

How shocking is this: I got one less set of vaccines than normal kids my age. My doctor believed it was unnecessary (a man before his time). I was not permitted to school. My doctor had to get on the phone or send a note or something. And now kids have an insane amount of vaccines compared to what we did. That is what Jenny says. I know nothing about it. I am lying - I will probably vaccine up my kid for fear of death.

But they will get the shingles and all the odd illness I have in my bag....I will admit that my peasant intestines can no hold up to food poisoning - we were never the royal testers. The score: Food Poisoning: 3 Dysentery: 1 Mere: conquered them all.

mmmm Dysentery....killed over half the people of westward expansion - Mere: conquered it. This is my most proud achievement to date. You try extreme pain - like someone is cutting your insides with a knife and shitting blood for 5 days...not my favorite part of life.. I was near suicide and I got through it... I consider it a triumph.

Watch out you royal sickly cry babies....the peasants are taking over the world.

However - there is one thing that is different from then and now....our fucking food. I swear this is the issue of today and people are ignoring it. I will spend the extra buck and only buy meat not influenced by hormones. It is probably aging my eggs. Great..now I need to waltz into my butcher and ask if it is hormone meat...I will be embarrassed. It is inexpensive..it must be. But all the trendy urbanites shop there.......I will call...they will lie to me.

1 comment:

Lindsey J said...

Many of my sisters in law have had beautiful,healthy children well into their 30's. As for vaccines - I had to have my second MMR before being admitted to ASU - it seems my mom forgot you were supposed to "booster".