Reference to the face issue...addressed now

Lindsey referenced a story from my past that I will tell.

This is not the high point in my life and it is not a time I am proud of - but legendary and humorous - must be told.

This is the great f-ed up face story.

For about 3 months I was running around the greater Phoenix area with a dried up bloody scrape above my right eyebrow.
I theorized that there was some kind of gravitational pull between my that part of my head and the earth. But it is possible that was not true.

Each time the injury healed, it would come back due to another tragic accident.

I referred to my constant injury as "my pretty".

These were all the injuries, not necessarily in this order:

#1. A LEGITIMATE rugby injury. Something involving a tackle gone wrong and the hard as concrete Arizona dirt field.

#2. The Great Cabin Injury:
As all great stories from my past start: I had been drinking. I was on a retreat of sorts with some friends at a friend's cabin up in the elk country of Arizona. I did not see a cooler that was on the ground right in front of me and I proceeded to trip over it. A normal person catches themselves or at least breaks their fall with their hands. Not I. I broke my fall with my face. I sent my bottom teeth through my inside lip and scraped the side of my head bloody.

The next morning I woke up to Aime yelling "Who let Mardy fall asleep with chocolate in her mouth?!?!?!?"

Although that would not be odd for me to fall off to slumber land with chocolate in my mouth, it was not the case. That ain't chocolate. That is dried up blood from my serious lip injury.

I believe this is the trip where I composed the great piano sing along tune "Good lookin' I'm so god damn goooooooood lookin'"

#3. Trapped in a Car:
oh dear, oh dear. How can this even be explained?

It was my birthday. I was in going to school at night at the time and I had no plans for my birthday. I simply planned to meet my roommate, Aime, at the Thirsty Beaver for a few drinks after I got out of class.

When I left class that evening: Mary, Corrina, and Aime were there. Singing Happy Birthday. I was mortified because Mary had on some chaps and was strumming a ukulele. I pretended that I was not this alleged Mardy who was having a birthday.

Onward to The Thirsty Beaver.

I arrived to find all my friends at the Thirsty Beaver. A fine and fantastic birthday. One of the best ever - Thanks Aime!!!

Well...I had been drinking. Too much. Peter, my bartender and good friend kicked me out of the bar - on my own birthday. Jerk.

My friends were certainly not going to stop having a good time so they simply seat belted me into the passenger side of my car. Aime instructed me that I was not in any circumstance allowed to leave the car. Yes, Captain...I will under no circumstance leave the car.


I needed to leave the car, I don't know why. I tried to get out and found that something was holding me back. What was it? I tried and tried. OH! It is this pesky strap this is holding me in. I pull the shoulder strap away to free myself. NO...I do not release the seat belt like a normal person. I just remove the shoulder strap. I go to get out again. I try and try. Nope. Can't get out. I finally figure out that I was being held in by some kind of restrictive lap belt

Again, a normal person releases the seat belt. Not me. I pull out the lap belt and attempt to slither out of it. Slither slither and that was the end of it. My legs got stuck and I slammed my face into the asphalt of the paring lot.

Sweet. I am classy. Another "pretty" is born.

I was wild and out of I wear pearls.

It is good to have a past.

1 comment:

The Kahles said...

I remember the fall outside of Thirsty Beaver. Not, like, firsthand or anything, but I remember you caved and admitted to me what happened. Prior to that, all facial scrapes had been blamed on some sort of obscure 'rugby incident'.