The Adventures of Ms. Tippee Canoe

Ever since I relocated myself to Chicago, I have been wanting to row on the river. AND....suddenly it is October and the option is no longer year, I tell myself. Like every good Cub fan says: Next year...

Well - it finally happened! And luckily I am still in possession of the flip cam. Petro family: you may have to pry it out of my cold dead hands. I realize you have your children's milestones to record...but I have canoe voyages on a river and drunken escapades to record....

Now if you keep up with my life you know I was put at the helm of a sailboat last year after I had a few drinks. Not pretty. Well...turns out: I just plain suck at steering a water vessel. Although at the end of the two hour trip I was awesome.

This was the first video. As you can tell from the melee of the first few is not wise for someone that has never operated a canoe to attempt to use a video recording device while operating said canoe.

It is like Deliverance out on the river. Just waiting for a banjo playing inbred mutant child and some toothless hillbilly that wants to make you squeal like a pig to pop out at any moment. I'm not sure that was the right tune I was doing...anyway - my canoe partner, Amber doesn't know that difference between a horsefly and a dragonfly. She continued to refer to them as horseflies throughout the voyage although I let her know they were dragonflies. I let it go. No big deal. But...I need something to write about in this blog.

We had several crashes into the banks of the mighty Chicago River. Naturally, I was quick with the video and quick to save us. I had it all under control. The screaming was when we were tipping....never tipped over!!!

Eventually we probably pissed off some dude on his boat. Again...we had no control of the canoe. Luckily when moving out of his way we happened upon some white ducks. The Mallard is so pedestrian...I know you want to see the white ducks. And you are all racist so if ain't white...

Even the poorest folk in Chicago can enjoy the luxuries of waterfront living. Here we see someone's nest. It is possible you can not tell but they had an extremely spacious closet and their walls were decorated with priceless art by perhaps The Latin Kings or another well known 'art' group of the area.

Then we came upon a small stretch of the Chicago River that is known as the Ft. Lauderdale of the Chicago River. * Note: I realize it is "Rollin" and not "Rowin" ... but I was rowing was done.

We eventually we able to take in the beauty of nature and the absolute disgust of the river. The Chicago River is wilderness and the thrills of urban pollution married into one delightful yet horrifying package. On camera you will her Amber coining the phrase "Wurban". The Chicago river is Wuburn.

We ran across some kayakers and the gentleman rolled over. Not safe...NOT SAFE. Not because of the threat of drowning but more the threat of bacteria. His female companion tried to circle back and collect his lost water bottle as not to pollute. She had a hard time and I proclaimed "When in Rome, do as the Romans do". There is already so much garbage in that shit river it need not matter. OF course because I am a self-loving ego-maniac constantly looking to amuse and delight people...I again used the Roman thing when we landed our vessel when speaking of some gum wrappers.

That's it. I can't handle ends at Wurban....

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