The Adventure of Ms. Tippee Canoe Part 2

I hate seagulls.

Sometimes they gather in mass quantities in the park across from my house and it sounds like a million children being tortured.

I was at the beach once and I thought someone threw a turkey sandwich at me. I became irate...wondering who threw it and where the sandwich vanished to. Then I realized...a seagull crapped on me.

Here is a gull:

Upon the Chicago River there is much diversity. One case is the diversity of the white duck. Some white ducks are normal...others are part of the Tea Party and enjoy sporting some kind of wig and toting a musket. You can't see the musket....but it was there.

I have an idea. Get yourself a pontoon boat, charge $30 per head for a haunted voyage on the Chicago River. Make up a bunch of crap and then sail past here. It is disturbing. The echoing sounds of the hounds of hell. It sounds like approximately 82 dogs trapped in a dungeon of some sort. DO NOT leave your dog at "Stay" in NorthCenter...or your dog will be part of this horrifying chorus.

I don't care for people that walk across sidewalks, blocking people like me. The people that walk at a fast pace. I certainly don't care for those that kayak across an entire river...thinking two fools would be able to navigate between them...

I enjoy telling people I use "the power of prayer" for nearly anything that seems inevitable without taking the proper precautions. For instance: last night the pilot light in my oven was out. I had smelled gas for over a week and kept turning on the burners...they work....must be fine. I never experienced a pilot light out in the oven. So, being an absurdly independent woman that likes to solve all problems by herself...IMMEDIATELY....I stuck my head in the oven and with a tiny match just started dicking around. The whole time...I knew this WAS NOT a good idea.

I relied on the power of prayer to keep me safe.

I did not rely on the power of prayer. It is just something I say when I act a fool.

I said this to some fellow river people. Amber was embarrassed. But the beacon of truth..the steeple of a church emerged in the distance. Power of prayer ... indeed.

That's it. Amber and I will have more adventures one the river. I need a better shot of the spacious closet.

1 comment:

Jeff and Lindsey said...

Thank you. I laughed and laughed without really ever understanding what the f*ck you were talking about because I was too lazy to watch the videos. Your commentary was surely the best part anyway. I may come back later and watch but for now - the bit about the turkey sandwich is making me giggle every 3-5 mins.