Things I Hate - Sunglass Edition

Hate is a strong word.  I use it freely and unnecessarily.  It is bad.

My friend, Cara, suggested I make a blog of things I hate.  This could be reoccuring as I am a hater.
This focuses on the inappropriate use of sunglasses:

1.  Sunglasses Indoors:
Stop it.  You are a jag.  Two choices:
  A.   You want to look like some celebrity- this makes you a jag or Italian, most likely both:

  B.   You are a celebrity trying to go unnoticed:  REALLY?  You may as well be wearing a giant hat that says "I am a fucking celebrity!  Look at me....but don't notice me".  Fool:

2.  Strangers that try to talk to me while sunglassed:

  I actively ignore these people.  Ask my friend Kelly - I did it with her present once.  Take off the glasses and look at me with your eyeballs.  If you don't, I do not know if you are actually trying to communicate with me. You could be talking on a Bluetooth, criminally insane, or wanting to rob me or splash acid in my face while protecting your identity.  And...it is fucking rude.
You want to know how to get to The Bean from here?  I am sorry sir, if you remove your sunglasses I would know you are talking to me and not Siri.  I will be more than willing to help once you have indicated you are talking to a human.  That involves eye contact.  


3. Sunglasses and a baseball hat:

  One or the other dude.  It looks silly otherwise.  The purpose of the baseball hat style is to provide your eyes shade from the sun.  Wearing both at once - well that is like me skipping through the rain with an umbrella while wearing a wetsuit. This double protection is not needed unless you are robbing a bank.
  Double offense for wearing a baseball hat backwards with sunglasses.  Biggest douche look on the planet.  Or you went ahead and went Greek during college and took the whole "it isn't 4 years, it is 4 life" WAY TOO SERIOUSLY.
4.   Anyone thinking I would purchase sunglasses that cost more than $9.99

  I lose sunglasses like it is my job.  Just lost a pair last week.  It is my talent.
5.  The intentional sunglass tan:

  Oh look!  You are so outdoorsy!  Were you being active outdoors all weekend?  Fuck you.  Put some sunscreen on your god damn face and you wouldn't look like a tool.  Oddly you think this makes you look cool.  You are wrong.