NATURALLY - the blizzard of 2011 would be followed by the heat wave of 2011.

I have 4 digits for you: 1995

That winter we had negative 60 wind chill ... followed by the death summer of heat.

No need to consult your Almanac...I am here.

I enjoy summers in Chicago. Ever since I moved back it has been mild. A couple stretches of 90 plus but for the most part a summer of 80 degrees. FANTASTIC! Beautiful! PERFECTION!

I should have known this would not last. Now...I am bitter.

That damn blizzard was the warning...from shit winters comes shit summers.

I am a bitter, angry, sweaty bitch.

I would take the lives of numerous puppies to have The Snowtorious B.I.G. roll its 9 foot snow drifts of furry through this town right now.

Show me a cute puppy...I'll snap its neck if you can guarantee me we can keep it at 85 degrees and below for the rest of summer.

I don't kid.

I'll snap the entire helpless litter's necks. That is how serious I am about hating this relentless heat.

Then....I'll kill your grandma.

I'll smother her with a pillow. I'll smother everyone's grandmother with a pillow if it means this heat is done. It is win - win. I get an enjoyable temperature and you get your inheritance. EVERYBODY wins on my plan.

I get it. We all don't agree on temperatures...The world don't move to the beat of just one drum. What might be right for you, may not be right for some. Diff'rent strokes to move the world and what not.

BUT - there is NOTHING tolerable about this weather. And let me tell you - the masses have spoken. Barely anyone is at the park: your casual book reader adult to your child in the playground to the old immigrants that drink wine and play bocce.

Most everyone is just looking out the window, "Oh look, it is sunny, it looks nice." They paw helplessly at the window like some kind of abused and forgotten shelter animal, awaiting its day of execution. They give a heavy sigh and walk away from the window, knowing it is not safe out there. No. It is not safe.

It is sad. This summer blows.

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