So when I wheeled my 2 wheel drive 2000 Jetta out of the snow a couple weeks ago, I was reminded of one thing: Drivers Education.

Or is it Driver's Education. Is the driver owning the education? It could. Or is the Education being described as that for Drivers. It could.

I have no idea and I care not for grammar. It is a silly practice.

The important thing is that I know the difference between its and it's and their, they're, there... that is all I care about.

Anyway - I would like to send a shout out to all that had the pleasant experience of Drivers Ed with Mr. Arnold. I only had the pleasure of 'Behind The Wheel' with Mr. Arnold once. Once - for parallel parking.

I am very good at parallel parking. I can get my car into the most absurd places...then when the car leaves behind me...the color of said car is all over my bumper and sometimes on the side of my car. Whatever. They ain't good, like I good. I RULE at The P-Park. I am not too proud to brag. Perhaps I have MR. Arnold to thank. I doubt it. I just remember him flipping out and then drawing a diagram of what the tires were doing while I struggled to park in downtown Wheaton.

The reason I was reminded of DE (that is Drivers Ed, not Delaware) is because I was doing this forward - reverse - forward - reverse - forward - reverse action to get over the wall of snow.

I learned this action in simulator. Simulator. Did anyone have simulator besides those that attended G-Dub? UGH! It was by far the stupidest things know to man.

I sat in the seat in the back corner next to Mr. Arnold as he manned the projection of video circa 1967. I believe it was car 20. Let's just say it was for the sake of this story.

He would always yell at me because I was the closest target and he could see everything I did wrong. In the snow film we needed to get out of the snow. So I was forwarding and reversing my 'car' to get out. Yet...not in time with what the film was doing hence I got a 2 out of 100 score. The entire time he was screaming "Car 20 you are NEVER getting out of there. NEVER. What is going through your mind? What are you doing car 20??"

I am humored that he thought the damn simulator was an accurate evaluation of your driving skill. For those that don't know...the simulator was a room of at least 20 god damn fake drivers seat and controls and you had to drive according to whatever was going on in the outdated and retard film had going 1932 to the closest current year of 1970.

I swear to God there was either a simulator film or classroom film in black and white of a man in a f-ing Model T driving down the road giving out "friendly honks" to possible collisions. So that man was driving and sending out a friendly honk every 2 seconds. "there is a car" HONK. "There is a person getting in a car" HONK. "I see someone in that car, they may open their door" HONK. "we are approaching an uncontrolled intersection" HONK. "there is a child looking out the window of his home and he might escape his home and run like lightening into the street" HONK. "I haven't honked in over 4 seconds, something must be going on" HONK

It was beyond absurd.

I also recall the most current Drivers Ed film in Glenbard West's collection of archives. It was made at whatever time Laugh In was the hit TV show. It was a bunch of drunk people go-go dancing and drinking. The message was that you can't eat or drink coffee to sober up before driving.

Anyway- my point is. I was reminded of Mr. Arnold. Screaming at me about getting out of the snow in a simulator when I was practicing the method.

You are a lucky person if you had drivers ed anywhere but GW. All films predated the Korean War, sunglasses, personal computers, dishwashers and perhaps the bayonet.


Kris said...

Okay just so I can make comments on your blog I created my own. Well not really I just somehow set up an account, but I have no idea what I'm doing. other than I used dublinbrawler as the name. Anyway your blog is cracks me up . To think I always thought I was the funny one.

Meaghan said...

So, in all the high schools I have been in, there is one thing they have in common. The simulator room. They are all the same. Useless. Maybe there is a connection between the simulator and the fact that teens have the highest crash rate among drivers?? I had Mr. Arnold for BTW(behind the wheel for those not down with the DE lingo) and it worked out well since a lot of my drives were on Fridays. I usually had my cheerleading uniform on and the skirt was super short, so I always got good grades. But, I am and was a superior driver anyway. Driver's Ed with Bob was way harder than anything G-Dub could dish out. He even made me change a tire on his truck before I could get my license.

Mere said...

It is like a Bob to make you change a tire.....I don't think my Bob made my do that..he should have...BUT let me tell you - I will make my children do it. It is VERY useful knowledge. I will make them do it 10 times. There will be races. I was taught by a stranger in a shit neighborhood in Phoenix at dark time..not safe. But - I live to tell the tale. It is all part of my facinating life. AND...I can change a tire faster than anyone on earth. I challenge anyone...and I got a funky German jack in my car. My jack says "don't get bodily under car" It kills me....ahahahaha

kkbeshay said...
Have you heard about this? You would be a great candidate.
Ill tunes.