Ya get whacha don't pay for

Meredyth fun fact #287: I love coupons.

There is a big difference between someone that thinks they are a good shopper and someone that is in fact so wicked awesome at it, the store pays them to walk out the door with their retail goods.

On some occasions, I am the later.

I am pretty good at getting toothpaste for free or a couple dimes, same with shampoo. Typically your Dove, Pantene and Herbal Essence can be purchased for well under fifty cents per bottle if you play your cards or rather your coupons right. And yes...this drug store shampoo is good enough for me.

There is a certain instance that I call The Trifecta of Savings:

#1 Product on sale at Target
#2 Manufacturer coupon
#3 Target coupon

BAM: That crap is nearly free. I love it. I live for this. Nothing brings me more joy.

Most recently I was in the possession of:
#1 $5 off coupon for a product known as "Scrubbing Bubbles Extend-a-Spray with Continuous Sprayer-r-r-r" No really...that triple r attack on the end of the word sprayer is actually on the bottle. Obviously the work of a genius marketing executive, nothing makes you want to purchase a product more than a bunch of r's.
#2 Target coupon for a free $5 gift card if I purchased this particular product.

SCORE! Target paid me over one dollar to march right on out of their establishment with it! I knew NOTHING about this product but since they were paying me, why not take it and clean my bathroom with it.

So I used it today and I have concluded the following:

First, this whole business where it allegedly continues to clean for four days is absolute bullocks. If you believe that, you are out of your skull. Let's be honest, we all know they only thing that is going to continue to clean anything without your effort is an underpaid immigrant with out of date papers that doesn't speak English.

But more importantly, this 'continuous sprayer-r-r-r' is what disturbed me.
a. It uses 2 AA batteries. You are not allowed to employee battery power unless the product is actually going to do the scrubbing. And no...I do not believe as the commercials insist, the bubbles in Scrubbing Bubbles products have tiny little brushes that do the scrubbing. Absurd.
b. What does happen by battery power is this: You hold the trigger down and it continues to spray as though you were pumping the trigger. Yes, ladies and gentleman - gone are the tireless days where you are forced clench, release, clench, release to dispense your product. IT IS CALLED AN AEROSOL CAN! And an aerosol can does have the added expense of batteries. (please no environment comments here for obvious reasons)
c. What in God's name caused someone to invent this? Was there a need? NO. NO there certainly was not. I refuse to believe there was. Nope. Negative. Since we do in fact have aerosol cleaners, what Johnson Company did was reinvent the wheel, a more expensive, more complicated wheel with more parts.

According to their website this product will make cleaning more simple and more manageable. WHAT ARE THEY TAKING ABOUT?
THE GOD DAMN EASIEST PART OF CLEANING IS SQUEEZING THE TRIGGER on the non-aerosol cleaning product of your choice. The hard part is finding the motivation to clean, getting on your knees to clean, reaching to clean, the removal of all items in your bathroom and the putting back to clean, the scrubbing involved. These are the hard parts. NOT SQUEEZING THE TRIGGER.

No one sits around and thinks: 'I would totally clean this bathroom if only I did not have to be bothered with the burden of a squeezing the trigger on my bathroom cleaner. If only, if only there was a product that made that part of cleaning simpler. I am exhausted just thinking about the calories I will burn doing all that clenching and releasing of my right hand."

Congratulations Johnson Company. You have simplified the effortless portion of the cleaning process. I can only hope there is some type of award for this type of brilliance in innovation.

It is clear to me why I was paid take this off the shelves of Target.

I pity the fool that pays any amount for this.


Muffin Cake said...

Oh. OH! You are funny, Mere!

about this lady said...

"nothing brings me more joy."

this line, in particular, worries me some.