I hate seagulls.
Sometimes they gather in mass quantities in the park across from my house and it sounds like a million children being tortured.
I was at the beach once and I thought someone threw a turkey sandwich at me. I became irate...wondering who threw it and where the sandwich vanished to. Then I realized...a seagull crapped on me.
Here is a gull:
Upon the Chicago River there is much diversity. One case is the diversity of the white duck. Some white ducks are normal...others are part of the Tea Party and enjoy sporting some kind of wig and toting a musket. You can't see the musket....but it was there.
I have an idea. Get yourself a pontoon boat, charge $30 per head for a haunted voyage on the Chicago River. Make up a bunch of crap and then sail past here. It is disturbing. The echoing sounds of the hounds of hell. It sounds like approximately 82 dogs trapped in a dungeon of some sort. DO NOT leave your dog at "Stay" in NorthCenter...or your dog will be part of this horrifying chorus.
I don't care for people that walk across sidewalks, blocking people like me. The people that walk at a fast pace. I certainly don't care for those that kayak across an entire river...thinking two fools would be able to navigate between them...
I enjoy telling people I use "the power of prayer" for nearly anything that seems inevitable without taking the proper precautions. For instance: last night the pilot light in my oven was out. I had smelled gas for over a week and kept turning on the burners...they work....must be fine. I never experienced a pilot light out in the oven. So, being an absurdly independent woman that likes to solve all problems by herself...IMMEDIATELY....I stuck my head in the oven and with a tiny match just started dicking around. The whole time...I knew this WAS NOT a good idea.
I relied on the power of prayer to keep me safe.
I did not rely on the power of prayer. It is just something I say when I act a fool.
I said this to some fellow river people. Amber was embarrassed. But then...like the beacon of truth..the steeple of a church emerged in the distance. Power of prayer ... indeed.
That's it. Amber and I will have more adventures one the river. I need a better shot of the spacious closet.
The Adventures of Ms. Tippee Canoe
Ever since I relocated myself to Chicago, I have been wanting to row on the river. AND....suddenly it is October and the option is no longer available....next year....next year, I tell myself. Like every good Cub fan says: Next year...
Well - it finally happened! And luckily I am still in possession of the flip cam. Petro family: you may have to pry it out of my cold dead hands. I realize you have your children's milestones to record...but I have canoe voyages on a river and drunken escapades to record....
Now if you keep up with my life you know I was put at the helm of a sailboat last year after I had a few drinks. Not pretty. Well...turns out: I just plain suck at steering a water vessel. Although at the end of the two hour trip I was awesome.
This was the first video. As you can tell from the melee of the first few moments...it is not wise for someone that has never operated a canoe to attempt to use a video recording device while operating said canoe.
It is like Deliverance out on the river. Just waiting for a banjo playing inbred mutant child and some toothless hillbilly that wants to make you squeal like a pig to pop out at any moment. I'm not sure that was the right tune I was doing...anyway - my canoe partner, Amber doesn't know that difference between a horsefly and a dragonfly. She continued to refer to them as horseflies throughout the voyage although I let her know they were dragonflies. I let it go. No big deal. But...I need something to write about in this blog.
We had several crashes into the banks of the mighty Chicago River. Naturally, I was quick with the video and quick to save us. I had it all under control. The screaming was when we were tipping....never tipped over!!!
Eventually we probably pissed off some dude on his boat. Again...we had no control of the canoe. Luckily when moving out of his way we happened upon some white ducks. The Mallard is so pedestrian...I know you want to see the white ducks. And you are all racist so if ain't white...
Even the poorest folk in Chicago can enjoy the luxuries of waterfront living. Here we see someone's nest. It is possible you can not tell but they had an extremely spacious closet and their walls were decorated with priceless art by perhaps The Latin Kings or another well known 'art' group of the area.
Then we came upon a small stretch of the Chicago River that is known as the Ft. Lauderdale of the Chicago River. * Note: I realize it is "Rollin" and not "Rowin" ... but I was rowing so...it was done.
We eventually we able to take in the beauty of nature and the absolute disgust of the river. The Chicago River is wilderness and the thrills of urban pollution married into one delightful yet horrifying package. On camera you will her Amber coining the phrase "Wurban". The Chicago river is Wuburn.
We ran across some kayakers and the gentleman rolled over. Not safe...NOT SAFE. Not because of the threat of drowning but more the threat of bacteria. His female companion tried to circle back and collect his lost water bottle as not to pollute. She had a hard time and I proclaimed "When in Rome, do as the Romans do". There is already so much garbage in that shit river it need not matter. OF course because I am a self-loving ego-maniac constantly looking to amuse and delight people...I again used the Roman thing when we landed our vessel when speaking of some gum wrappers.
That's it. I can't handle anymore....it ends at Wurban....
Well - it finally happened! And luckily I am still in possession of the flip cam. Petro family: you may have to pry it out of my cold dead hands. I realize you have your children's milestones to record...but I have canoe voyages on a river and drunken escapades to record....
Now if you keep up with my life you know I was put at the helm of a sailboat last year after I had a few drinks. Not pretty. Well...turns out: I just plain suck at steering a water vessel. Although at the end of the two hour trip I was awesome.
This was the first video. As you can tell from the melee of the first few moments...it is not wise for someone that has never operated a canoe to attempt to use a video recording device while operating said canoe.
It is like Deliverance out on the river. Just waiting for a banjo playing inbred mutant child and some toothless hillbilly that wants to make you squeal like a pig to pop out at any moment. I'm not sure that was the right tune I was doing...anyway - my canoe partner, Amber doesn't know that difference between a horsefly and a dragonfly. She continued to refer to them as horseflies throughout the voyage although I let her know they were dragonflies. I let it go. No big deal. But...I need something to write about in this blog.
We had several crashes into the banks of the mighty Chicago River. Naturally, I was quick with the video and quick to save us. I had it all under control. The screaming was when we were tipping....never tipped over!!!
Eventually we probably pissed off some dude on his boat. Again...we had no control of the canoe. Luckily when moving out of his way we happened upon some white ducks. The Mallard is so pedestrian...I know you want to see the white ducks. And you are all racist so if ain't white...
Even the poorest folk in Chicago can enjoy the luxuries of waterfront living. Here we see someone's nest. It is possible you can not tell but they had an extremely spacious closet and their walls were decorated with priceless art by perhaps The Latin Kings or another well known 'art' group of the area.
Then we came upon a small stretch of the Chicago River that is known as the Ft. Lauderdale of the Chicago River. * Note: I realize it is "Rollin" and not "Rowin" ... but I was rowing so...it was done.
We eventually we able to take in the beauty of nature and the absolute disgust of the river. The Chicago River is wilderness and the thrills of urban pollution married into one delightful yet horrifying package. On camera you will her Amber coining the phrase "Wurban". The Chicago river is Wuburn.
We ran across some kayakers and the gentleman rolled over. Not safe...NOT SAFE. Not because of the threat of drowning but more the threat of bacteria. His female companion tried to circle back and collect his lost water bottle as not to pollute. She had a hard time and I proclaimed "When in Rome, do as the Romans do". There is already so much garbage in that shit river it need not matter. OF course because I am a self-loving ego-maniac constantly looking to amuse and delight people...I again used the Roman thing when we landed our vessel when speaking of some gum wrappers.
That's it. I can't handle anymore....it ends at Wurban....
Walking, Sweating, Awesomeness...
There are 3 events I would win an Olympic Gold in if they were actual events:
1. Speed Walking
2. Sweating
3. Procrastination With Success
The Speed Walking:
It is odd, to say the least. I am not fucking around when I say I can speed walk faster than I can run. In my hay day I could walk faster than most could run. I've got people that can sign an affidavit on this. It is NOT normal. But...it is my skill. Clearly - I am a chub factory so it's not like I can run fast...but still. My speed walking is amazing. Wait - is this an Olympic sport? I hope for humanity it is not.
The Sweating:
Nothing to say here. Nothing to be proud of. I dislike those that don't sweat. I sweat opening up my mailbox. I refer to it as my highly evolved cooling system. I WILL NEVER....NEVER OVERHEAT...unless I find myself on Mercury. But even then - I'd like that challenge, call NASA.
There is a photo of the our solar system here. In the event...you should not know the order of the planets...and be put down like an old tired dog. (I know a 4 year old that can accurately name 5 of the planets...kill yourself if you can't) I'm just sayin'
The Procrastination With Success:
Yes, I know....everyone procrastinates. It is a disease that is taking over the human race. There are those that make excuses for their procras-disease, they say things like "I work well under pressure". I've been told by professionals that I need to think this about myself and stop being so hard on myself about my addiction to procrastination.
BUT - that is lame. There is a difference between 'working well under pressure' and 'being a lazy fool that likes to leave everything till the last minute'.
I am a both...more the later when it comes to normal life situations.
Working well under pressure?
What does that even mean? I don't know.
But I will tell you this: If you are in some type of emergency: you want me there. Although I am known for being a complete maniac, I can keep it together when the time comes and I have an AMAZING ability to bring up all things I've learned, been told, or trained to do:
Case 1:
My friends and I were in Mexico in the middle of no where and then again leaving a vacation spot and we were stopped by the Mexican Federales...who conveniently don't speak English (BULLSHIT). Please - get stopped in the middle of Baja California when you haven't seen another car in an hour and 4 Federales pull you over and saunter up to your car with GIANT whips, automatic rifles, and a Mexican smirk...Mexican prison here we come: SUDDENLY I CAN SPEAK some wicked awesome SPANISH. Ask me in any other occasion, all I can say is "Where is the bus", "It is not hear" "My name is Meredyth"......and that is it.
Case 2:
My friends and I wanted to play a joke on another friend and we spotted a toilet in an alley. I picked it up, by myself and was carrying it around.
On a funny side note: we were at a party later that evening and some guys= said "I saw the craziest thing earlier, this girl was carrying around a toilet like it was nothing" and I said "oh yeah....that was me"
It took two people and a struggle to remove said toilet from its joke spot: SUPER HUMAN STRENGTH. On a normal day, ask me to open a jar of spaghetti sauce and I am worthless.
Case 3:
I was driving down a long flat road with construction. It was raining. I was going about 50 - 60 and my tire went off the road. I turned my wheel slightly but it slippery. This caused my car to spin.
Have you ever had your steering wheel spin under your hands while the world spins by? Not comforting...that is pretty much what the moments before death look like.
It spun 450 degrees and I grabbed the steering wheel. Now I was going down the road side ways, my passenger window being my view of what is coming. That being a car coming in the opposite direction. Luckily WAAAY down the road because the fool decided it would be a good idea to proceed down a two lane road (one in each direction) when a car is spinning. FOOL.
This is all in slow motion, as is in these situations. The moment I caught the wheel and was skidding down the road, I let go and the wheel started spinning the other way. That is when the lessons of Driver's Ed kicked in. Never did I over correct. I just let my Mitsubishi Eclipse slide down that road, each time catching the wheel a little sooner to let it spin the other way. Eventually...I was driving straight down Power Road. I thought: I could have died or wrecked Mitzi. Died because that retard never did pull over or stop...or wrecked because I would have ended up in a cow. Back in the mid-late-90's, Power Road was nothing but agriculture and livestock: AMAZING DRIVER that recalls the lessons of driving and doesn't freak the fuck out, my heart didn't skip a beat. I was was just pissed at that driver coming my way.
Case 4:
I was tending to two lovely boys and went to change the younger one's diaper. The older one followed me in. While I was wiping ass, the older one, who was 2 years, tapped me on the leg and was pointing at his mouth which was open. To this day I am not sure if he was just showing me all the cheese in his mouth or if he was choking.
I decided it was a choke. I yelled in his face: "OH MY GOD, ARE YOU CHOKING?", I tossed the baby in the crib, grabbed the boy and flipped him upside down and hit him on the back until a sufficient amount of cheese was on the ground. I flipped him back over and asked if he was ok. He was. This is where I wasn't cool. I started crying and demanded he hug me and said "were you choking? I thought you were choking." He just looked at me like I was insane: I SAVE THE LIVES OF CHILDREN.
My friend tried to tell me my cheese dislodge method was inaccurate. But you see...being a master of emergency, I recalled that if you can lift up a person, you hang up them upside down to dislodge and I had elementary physics making sense for me: You work gravity when you can. I later confirmed with a Chicago Fire Department Paramedic that what I did was correct. Let it be known should you see a child or midget choking...or in my case, any reasonably sized adult: you flip over and beat. I got that super human emergency strength. I will flip anyone in my reading audience over and beat on your back before I start doing that laughable Heimlich Maneuver.
That summarizes my ability to 'work well under pressure'. Let's not talk about my ability to cram for tests and write amazing paper in a matter of hours. So boring. The point is: I am amazing.
But more importantly...you want me around in a true emergency...
Let's say...you are an airplane, a flight from ORD to DEN..it is hijacked by Somalian Pirates.... it could happen.
They've killed the pilots. That enormous metal beverage cart has trapped you on the ground. Your baby is choking on a pretzel.
Who do you want around? Me.
First...I quickly dislodge the pretzel so your baby can take in air.
Next...I start fighting the Somalians that are surveying the cabin. I've seen the Bourne series so naturally...I know how it is done. In the midst of this I use my pinkie to lift the beverage cart up so you can go back to your seat crying. You are weak and can not fight the good fight like me. I sneer at you and continue to kick ass.
I zip tie the pirates' hands behind their backs - they are unconscious but - have you seen movies? Bad dudes always wake up at inopportune times. And, I always have zip ties with me. You never know if your bumper is about to fall off or a criminal needs to be apprehended.
Then...I bust down the door to the cock pit. I am screaming things in....Somalian...or whatever is they speak. I am kung-fu-ing and what not. I am again zip tying...all while applying pressure to wounds and CPR-ing the plane-fliers.
I get on the controls of the plane and I am taken back to that year of ground school and air traffic control I am reading instruments and saying 'niner' and 'zulu'...YES - NINER and ZULU - that is how you KNOW - someone can fly an aeroplane. Niner....Zulu...Do they even do that??? The niner...I think so. Nine...Five...
Anyway -
I land the airplane....but for some reason you fell out and are trapped under a wheel so I slide out the cock pit window and lift up the airplane to release you.
Then I wipe off my brow and say "all in a day's work" and walk off dramatically...hopefully not to be run over by a belt loader.
I love belt loaders.....
This is the service I provide. I ask nothing in return. However - I could have written up 2 labs in the time it took me to write this garbage. But hey - those labs will get done in time...in sweet, sweet time...
1. Speed Walking
2. Sweating
3. Procrastination With Success
The Speed Walking:
It is odd, to say the least. I am not fucking around when I say I can speed walk faster than I can run. In my hay day I could walk faster than most could run. I've got people that can sign an affidavit on this. It is NOT normal. But...it is my skill. Clearly - I am a chub factory so it's not like I can run fast...but still. My speed walking is amazing. Wait - is this an Olympic sport? I hope for humanity it is not.
The Sweating:
Nothing to say here. Nothing to be proud of. I dislike those that don't sweat. I sweat opening up my mailbox. I refer to it as my highly evolved cooling system. I WILL NEVER....NEVER OVERHEAT...unless I find myself on Mercury. But even then - I'd like that challenge, call NASA. There is a photo of the our solar system here. In the event...you should not know the order of the planets...and be put down like an old tired dog. (I know a 4 year old that can accurately name 5 of the planets...kill yourself if you can't) I'm just sayin'
The Procrastination With Success:
Yes, I know....everyone procrastinates. It is a disease that is taking over the human race. There are those that make excuses for their procras-disease, they say things like "I work well under pressure". I've been told by professionals that I need to think this about myself and stop being so hard on myself about my addiction to procrastination.
BUT - that is lame. There is a difference between 'working well under pressure' and 'being a lazy fool that likes to leave everything till the last minute'.
I am a both...more the later when it comes to normal life situations.
Working well under pressure?
What does that even mean? I don't know.
But I will tell you this: If you are in some type of emergency: you want me there. Although I am known for being a complete maniac, I can keep it together when the time comes and I have an AMAZING ability to bring up all things I've learned, been told, or trained to do:
Case 1:
My friends and I were in Mexico in the middle of no where and then again leaving a vacation spot and we were stopped by the Mexican Federales...who conveniently don't speak English (BULLSHIT). Please - get stopped in the middle of Baja California when you haven't seen another car in an hour and 4 Federales pull you over and saunter up to your car with GIANT whips, automatic rifles, and a Mexican smirk...Mexican prison here we come: SUDDENLY I CAN SPEAK some wicked awesome SPANISH. Ask me in any other occasion, all I can say is "Where is the bus", "It is not hear" "My name is Meredyth"......and that is it. Case 2:
My friends and I wanted to play a joke on another friend and we spotted a toilet in an alley. I picked it up, by myself and was carrying it around.
On a funny side note: we were at a party later that evening and some guys= said "I saw the craziest thing earlier, this girl was carrying around a toilet like it was nothing" and I said "oh yeah....that was me"
It took two people and a struggle to remove said toilet from its joke spot: SUPER HUMAN STRENGTH. On a normal day, ask me to open a jar of spaghetti sauce and I am worthless.
Case 3:
I was driving down a long flat road with construction. It was raining. I was going about 50 - 60 and my tire went off the road. I turned my wheel slightly but it slippery. This caused my car to spin.
Have you ever had your steering wheel spin under your hands while the world spins by? Not comforting...that is pretty much what the moments before death look like.
It spun 450 degrees and I grabbed the steering wheel. Now I was going down the road side ways, my passenger window being my view of what is coming. That being a car coming in the opposite direction. Luckily WAAAY down the road because the fool decided it would be a good idea to proceed down a two lane road (one in each direction) when a car is spinning. FOOL.This is all in slow motion, as is in these situations. The moment I caught the wheel and was skidding down the road, I let go and the wheel started spinning the other way. That is when the lessons of Driver's Ed kicked in. Never did I over correct. I just let my Mitsubishi Eclipse slide down that road, each time catching the wheel a little sooner to let it spin the other way. Eventually...I was driving straight down Power Road. I thought: I could have died or wrecked Mitzi. Died because that retard never did pull over or stop...or wrecked because I would have ended up in a cow. Back in the mid-late-90's, Power Road was nothing but agriculture and livestock: AMAZING DRIVER that recalls the lessons of driving and doesn't freak the fuck out, my heart didn't skip a beat. I was was just pissed at that driver coming my way.
Case 4:
I was tending to two lovely boys and went to change the younger one's diaper. The older one followed me in. While I was wiping ass, the older one, who was 2 years, tapped me on the leg and was pointing at his mouth which was open. To this day I am not sure if he was just showing me all the cheese in his mouth or if he was choking.
I decided it was a choke. I yelled in his face: "OH MY GOD, ARE YOU CHOKING?", I tossed the baby in the crib, grabbed the boy and flipped him upside down and hit him on the back until a sufficient amount of cheese was on the ground. I flipped him back over and asked if he was ok. He was. This is where I wasn't cool. I started crying and demanded he hug me and said "were you choking? I thought you were choking." He just looked at me like I was insane: I SAVE THE LIVES OF CHILDREN. My friend tried to tell me my cheese dislodge method was inaccurate. But you see...being a master of emergency, I recalled that if you can lift up a person, you hang up them upside down to dislodge and I had elementary physics making sense for me: You work gravity when you can. I later confirmed with a Chicago Fire Department Paramedic that what I did was correct. Let it be known should you see a child or midget choking...or in my case, any reasonably sized adult: you flip over and beat. I got that super human emergency strength. I will flip anyone in my reading audience over and beat on your back before I start doing that laughable Heimlich Maneuver.
That summarizes my ability to 'work well under pressure'. Let's not talk about my ability to cram for tests and write amazing paper in a matter of hours. So boring. The point is: I am amazing.
But more importantly...you want me around in a true emergency...
Let's say...you are an airplane, a flight from ORD to DEN..it is hijacked by Somalian Pirates.... it could happen.
They've killed the pilots. That enormous metal beverage cart has trapped you on the ground. Your baby is choking on a pretzel. Who do you want around? Me.
First...I quickly dislodge the pretzel so your baby can take in air.
Next...I start fighting the Somalians that are surveying the cabin. I've seen the Bourne series so naturally...I know how it is done. In the midst of this I use my pinkie to lift the beverage cart up so you can go back to your seat crying. You are weak and can not fight the good fight like me. I sneer at you and continue to kick ass.
I zip tie the pirates' hands behind their backs - they are unconscious but - have you seen movies? Bad dudes always wake up at inopportune times. And, I always have zip ties with me. You never know if your bumper is about to fall off or a criminal needs to be apprehended.
Then...I bust down the door to the cock pit. I am screaming things in....Somalian...or whatever is they speak. I am kung-fu-ing and what not. I am again zip tying...all while applying pressure to wounds and CPR-ing the plane-fliers.
I get on the controls of the plane and I am taken back to that year of ground school and air traffic control I am reading instruments and saying 'niner' and 'zulu'...YES - NINER and ZULU - that is how you KNOW - someone can fly an aeroplane. Niner....Zulu...Do they even do that??? The niner...I think so. Nine...Five...
Anyway -
I land the airplane....but for some reason you fell out and are trapped under a wheel so I slide out the cock pit window and lift up the airplane to release you.Then I wipe off my brow and say "all in a day's work" and walk off dramatically...hopefully not to be run over by a belt loader.
I love belt loaders.....
This is the service I provide. I ask nothing in return. However - I could have written up 2 labs in the time it took me to write this garbage. But hey - those labs will get done in time...in sweet, sweet time...
Meredyth Answers Ask Amy....
I decided that since I have nothing of importance going on in my life I would answer 'Ask Amy' questions. This is some type advice column featured in the Chicago Tribune.
Dear Amy: Once a year I host a family reunion for my five children, spouses and grandchildren.
I pay for all, including travel.
One of my daughters remarried last year and her spouse has a teenage daughter who is not a member of their household (except for every other weekend).
They have indicated that they would like to bring the daughter to the family reunion.
I have no problem with her coming, but my question is — should I be expected to pay for the expenses of her coming?
This is a cross-country trip, adding a total cost of about $1,500.
They have not offered to pay for her, and I wonder what you think about this?
— Generous Dad
Dear Generous Dad:
You are a fucking asshole for even asking this question.
This girl is now part of your family. Deal with it. Sadly, this girl has probably had a bit rougher of a life than your other grandchildren. Why on earth would you make her feel like more of a burden?
When my grandfather died the number of great grandchildren listed in his obituary included a great grandchild by marriage. That is how it works.
I assume you are of Greek descent? That's right, I am generalizing. I like to sharpen my generalizing skills. Let me know if you aren't Greek, I have 2 other guesses after that.
-Meredyth
Dear Amy: As a parent of three young children, I try to teach them manners in public, such as taking only one treat or toy when offered, not destroying the displays at checkout counters and not running in stores.
At the same time I am busy insisting that my kids behave well, when they misbehave the store employees (and even other customers) frequently will smile at my kids and say directly to them, "That's OK,", "No problem — he's young,", "It's OK; I'll clean this up."
This makes me crazy!
Real accidents sometimes do happen, but most of this behavior is not OK!
This response ultimately confuses my child about what is acceptable and what is not, which makes my job as a parent harder.
Sometimes other parents undermine me in this way too.
I am not an overly strict controlling mean or nasty parent!
I just believe that basic behavior rules are learned more easily when kids are young.
The oldest child is already considered one of the better behaved kids in her class.
What can I say or do when this happens without making a big fuss?
I know they all mean well. I would appreciate it if you would alert other about this.
— Frustrated Mom
Dear Frustrated Mom:
Are you serious? You want other people to disciple your children? That is not their job. Members of society generally don't want to make a huge scene where it is unnecessary. These store clerks and parents are simply being polite.
Would you rather we lived in some kind of insane barbaric society in which we screamed at each other when others were not acting the way we wanted? Ironically...that would be a society filled with people acting like children.
-Meredyth
Dear Amy: I am concerned about my mother. About one year ago she lost her job.
Since then she has become more and more introverted. She sleeps quite a bit during the day and very little at night.
She makes excuses not to leave her house. She doesn't see her family or friends. She is overweight and has a few health issues but nothing that would stop her from leaving home.
When she was approached by a family friend about applying for a job that she is qualified to do, she made excuses that simply weren't logical.
We are very concerned but are out of ideas about how to help her.
What can we do?
— Freaked Out Family
Dear Freaked Out Family:
If I had children....I'd assume this was written about me.
Do you really need to seek advice on this? The woman is DEPRESSED. Which is very typical when you lose your job. Do you really have no idea that this is textbook depression? You could have contacted a local high school student taking psychology to diagnose this. She needs to see a therapist and perhaps get on some Prozac. You know the lady...everyone is different...figure out how to urge this and stop wasting precious time writing advice columns.
God Bless your mother.
-Meredyth
Dear Amy: Once a year I host a family reunion for my five children, spouses and grandchildren.
I pay for all, including travel.
One of my daughters remarried last year and her spouse has a teenage daughter who is not a member of their household (except for every other weekend).
They have indicated that they would like to bring the daughter to the family reunion.
I have no problem with her coming, but my question is — should I be expected to pay for the expenses of her coming?
This is a cross-country trip, adding a total cost of about $1,500.
They have not offered to pay for her, and I wonder what you think about this?
— Generous Dad
Dear Generous Dad:
You are a fucking asshole for even asking this question.
This girl is now part of your family. Deal with it. Sadly, this girl has probably had a bit rougher of a life than your other grandchildren. Why on earth would you make her feel like more of a burden?
When my grandfather died the number of great grandchildren listed in his obituary included a great grandchild by marriage. That is how it works.
I assume you are of Greek descent? That's right, I am generalizing. I like to sharpen my generalizing skills. Let me know if you aren't Greek, I have 2 other guesses after that.
-Meredyth
Dear Amy: As a parent of three young children, I try to teach them manners in public, such as taking only one treat or toy when offered, not destroying the displays at checkout counters and not running in stores.
At the same time I am busy insisting that my kids behave well, when they misbehave the store employees (and even other customers) frequently will smile at my kids and say directly to them, "That's OK,", "No problem — he's young,", "It's OK; I'll clean this up."
This makes me crazy!
Real accidents sometimes do happen, but most of this behavior is not OK!
This response ultimately confuses my child about what is acceptable and what is not, which makes my job as a parent harder.
Sometimes other parents undermine me in this way too.
I am not an overly strict controlling mean or nasty parent!
I just believe that basic behavior rules are learned more easily when kids are young.
The oldest child is already considered one of the better behaved kids in her class.
What can I say or do when this happens without making a big fuss?
I know they all mean well. I would appreciate it if you would alert other about this.
— Frustrated Mom
Dear Frustrated Mom:
Are you serious? You want other people to disciple your children? That is not their job. Members of society generally don't want to make a huge scene where it is unnecessary. These store clerks and parents are simply being polite.
Would you rather we lived in some kind of insane barbaric society in which we screamed at each other when others were not acting the way we wanted? Ironically...that would be a society filled with people acting like children.
-Meredyth
Dear Amy: I am concerned about my mother. About one year ago she lost her job.
Since then she has become more and more introverted. She sleeps quite a bit during the day and very little at night.
She makes excuses not to leave her house. She doesn't see her family or friends. She is overweight and has a few health issues but nothing that would stop her from leaving home.
When she was approached by a family friend about applying for a job that she is qualified to do, she made excuses that simply weren't logical.
We are very concerned but are out of ideas about how to help her.
What can we do?
— Freaked Out Family
Dear Freaked Out Family:
If I had children....I'd assume this was written about me.
Do you really need to seek advice on this? The woman is DEPRESSED. Which is very typical when you lose your job. Do you really have no idea that this is textbook depression? You could have contacted a local high school student taking psychology to diagnose this. She needs to see a therapist and perhaps get on some Prozac. You know the lady...everyone is different...figure out how to urge this and stop wasting precious time writing advice columns.
God Bless your mother.
-Meredyth
G-Day
It is officially groundhog day.
I'd say Groundhog's Day or Groundhogs Day .... but I'm not sure what is correct.
Why is my life ruled by appeasing those that know how to properly address an overgrown rodent that according to lore controls the seasons?
It is all nonsense. Poppycock. Bullocks. As is this blizzard.
I am done. The lack of dead bodies is super disappointing. I have all my limbs....
I'll never be on "I survived"
I'd say Groundhog's Day or Groundhogs Day .... but I'm not sure what is correct.
Why is my life ruled by appeasing those that know how to properly address an overgrown rodent that according to lore controls the seasons?
It is all nonsense. Poppycock. Bullocks. As is this blizzard.
I am done. The lack of dead bodies is super disappointing. I have all my limbs....
I'll never be on "I survived"
Nearing the end of 2/1/2011
STILL....waiting for dead bodies in the streets.
I did hear a portion of Wrigley was ripped off.
It is unconfirmed.....as you all know....I was in there during a tornado and lived to tell the tale.
I did hear a portion of Wrigley was ripped off.
It is unconfirmed.....as you all know....I was in there during a tornado and lived to tell the tale.
2/1/21:45
I've gone missing for awhile. Went to my corner bar. Happy to report everything is normal. Local patrons have decided how we will take over the local community once we sort out the carnage of this storm. Unfortunately, we are still waiting for actual carnage.
I was secured with a role....but I can't remember what it was.
The good thing is....we are all managing at this time.
God bless and good bye until the next update.
I was secured with a role....but I can't remember what it was.
The good thing is....we are all managing at this time.
God bless and good bye until the next update.
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