The Toilet: Really...it is all very simple

There are moments in life that I appreciate.

For instance: When I am reminded that I am smarter than the average bear.

But this moment is bittersweet...when we are speaking of the simple mechanics of an invention from the 18th century. While I enjoy the fact that my brain functions....I am sad that I live in a society of complete morons. And I become perplexed on how they have survived to adulthood.

I was at a bar recently waiting to use a toilet. A girl came out and said "I do not know how to flush that. I am so sorry"

"no problem" I said.

I assumed the chain fell off. If you know anything about a toilet you know what I am talking about.

Then I saw the top of the toilet was removed. Whatever. I do my business and then I see that there is no flush handle.

So you see - the whole reason the lid was removed was because the proprietor of this establishment assumed any person of American drinking age would be able to reason through the simple workings of the toilet tank.

This person was wrong.

For some reason this individual that most likely has a license to operate an automobile, is permitted to vote and is able to reproduce and raise offspring - could not figure out that you simply had to lift the metal rod on the inside to activate the flush.

Duh.

I went out to speak with my friend about this situation and I learned that she was in there and she was the first person in multiple uses to actually flush it.

You have GOT TO BE KIDDING ME.

I could see if the girl was being a pussy and the chain was off and for some reason she did not want to stick her hand in the tank to attach it. But, there was no contact with the water to flush (the clean water - mind you. The same shit you drink. The water system is not that complicated. It is all the same shit. Use your brain. If it was toxic or a tank of acid that would burn your skin off - CLEARLY, it would not be sitting there exposed. Even if the lid was on - they would be forced to mark it as a danger, if it was. Come. On. Think.). And even if you were stupid enough to think it was dirty...aren't you going to wash your hands anyway????

Have people really never met a toilet?
Have people really never solved toilet problems?
Have grown adults REALLY never lifted the lid of the tank and fixed an issue?

Even if you have had no experience with this, you must be mildly disabled if you can't figure it out. Unless of course this is your first time in modern society since leaving your primitive tribe or your release from your existence as a feral human.

"Oh...the flush handle is missing. Well...I can't flush it"

That is the thought process of someone that should be removed from society. If you have been wiping your own ass for 10 years or more, you should have the reasoning in your skull to figure out a toilet tank.

This is a person with very minimal reasoning's thought process:

"Oh...the flush handle is gone. Oh look...there is metal rod attached to the inside of the tank where the flush handle would be on the outside. And - if you push the handle to flush - I GUESS that moves the metal rod. Ok....ok....and that is attached to that chain. And that is attached to what looks like some kind of plug at the bottom of this tank full of water. Hmmmm...I wonder why there is this tank of water??? What is this water for? I have no clue where this water goes....BUT....since there is no aquatic life (typically) living in this tank and it is not big enough for me to swim in....hmmmm....maybe this water is some how utilized in the flush process. And MAYBE...that plug releases the water!!!! OK OK I got it. I got it!!! I need that plug to release and the plug is attached to the chain that is attached to the rod, so if I lift up the rod, I bet that would cause the chain to move. Then if the chain moves, it would pull up the plug and maybe something will happen - like the toilet will flush!!! I wouldn't put money on it. But maybe that is what happens. So the movement of the rod ends up picking up the plug. OH MY GOD....this is just like when you walk - you need to lift up your foot from the ground and you do that by picking up your leg AND NOT YOUR ARM!!!!

FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS KIND AND GOOD IN THIS WORLD... Really....really...there are actual members of society that can't figure out how a toilet works?

AND...I am not even going to go into how if you press the metal rod down, that would also work. Apparently figuring out the fact that movement of the rod in one direction also works in the other would be a complex physics problem only understood by people that work at NASA.

We are not hurdling satellites into orbit, we are not splitting an atom. We are flushing a toilet. For cryin' out loud, a pinball machine is more complicated.

This is a normal person's thought process:

"oh...there is no flush handle. I'll lift this metal rod so it flushes"

This is insane. It is insane.

Do people think the flush handle is magic? A working of magic? Do people think the flush handle is like pulling a rabbit out of a hat? It has no reasonable explanation via simple movements visible to the human eye? Houdini did not invent the toilet contrary to the belief of what apparently is at least 25 percent of modern society.

You know what magic is? Magic is an iPod. Magic is this computer. Magic is talking on a phone to someone across an ocean in real time. That is magic. Indeed, that is magic. Magic...because I will never understand nor do I care to understand it.

A toilet tank? If you don't get that, if you can't figure that out - I am not sure about you. Please - do not leave your home and reside as a shut-in. You are a danger to society.