Flight Attendant

Sometimes...I dress like a flight attendant.

Not like a Southwest Airlines FA in khaki shorts and a polo. No no.

I am talking about a classy FA or one from yesteryear.


In the past I have sported a scarf either around my neck with a collared shirt or just tucked under my collar and hanging free. Either way - something about that scarf says: I can locate an emergency exit even if it is behind me and I will make sure your seat buckle is fastened low and tight across your lap even if you are asleep. I will wake you up and make a big deal about it. Safety, after all, is my number one priority.


However - today I had on a red dress with some white trim around the neck. I tried to describe this with words...but alas - I just could not. So I took a photo. I did not include my head because I look particularly wretched at the moment. I am not sure what about the dress says flight attendant. I think it is the combination of synthetic fibers and the solid color with white trim that really put me in the mood to hand out ginger ale and slip an extra pack of honey roasted peanuts to the passengers I deem worthy.


The fact is - I like dressing like a flight attendant. I think it is cheerful and zippy. Most of all - I think I like it because I secretly desire to be a flight attendant.

However I yearn to be a flight attendant pre-1975. When they did not let poor people on airplanes and there was a lounge for adult entertainment like cigar smoking and heavy drinking. When being a flight attendant was not a just a job - but a jet setting lifestyle and to keep that lifestyle you had to weigh under 120 lbs. The threat of loosing my job would really aid in my weight loss goals. Really - this could be the entire reason obesity is on the rise. Millions of little girls no longer need to live up to this completely legitimate employment practice and instead of eating a carrot to keep thin - they are shoving donuts and cheeseburgers in their mouths. A shame.

But that was the flight attendant of the past. It would never work out for me in today's world. I would be stuck in some shitty khakis running the coach cabin on the O'Hare - Newark trip for 12 years.

This is not what I am looking for. I am looking for something more romantic. In my fantasy first, I am thin. Second, I want solid synthetic fabric and maybe a pillbox hat. I want to sit on the lap of an international business man, throwing my head back and laughing at what a hoot that charter flight from London to Casablanca was.

It is completely normal...these desires of mine.