Something is afoot at The DMV...

I lost my drivers license sometime last week. It is probably in my apartment somewhere and I will find in any day. But…I gave it a week and nothing came up so I went to the DMV.

Something weird is always going on at the DMV.

So I get there and get my number and what not. Wait forever, pay my $5 and then take a seat in the next area where I wait for them to actually reprint it.

I note there are a few interesting individuals in the area and I sit away from them and do not make any sort of eye contact. If you pretend like you can’t see the insane then most of the time they can’t see you.

This cross eyed black man seated 20 feet from is trying to get my attention and yelling across the waiting area at me. He says something. I can’t make it out. All I hear is “secuse me .... interested ..... sex ...... black man”

I believe he is asking me if I would be interested in having sex with a black man but I am refusing to listen to this. This cannot be correct. This is not what one should be yelling across the waiting area at the DMV.

It is also ironic because there is what appears to be a white hooker sitting two seats from him. Do I look like a hooker? No – but I am pretty sure the trashy woman, tweaking out, talking about Oprah, in the jean shorts and black wife beater sitting a mere two seats down from him, has turned a trick or two in her life. This man is barking up the wrong tree.

He continues to attempt to get my attention and finally I acknowledge him by looking at him.

“Excuse me – do you have any friends that might be interested in having sex with a black man?”

WHAT ON EARTH is going on?

Why do the crazies love me?

Why? Leave me alone.

So now the 7 people that are in this area have ceased conversation and are staring at me. Is it socially acceptable for me to say no? All other people in the area, except the white hooker, are black. Even the black employees have stop to hear my answer. Can I say no? I just don't want to talk to him anymore. I want to stop this madness. If i say no, will I start a race riot?

I shake my head with a very serious face and made the “mmm-mmm” noise for no. This was a perfect time for my “I don’t speak English” routine but I did not even think of it because I was too busy thinking about how no matter how I answer this I will be in trouble. I am either going to have this guy bothering and freaking me out or I am going to have Jesse Jackson staging a protest at my front door tomorrow.

Then I turned my head as to no longer look at him.

But this did not stop him from continuing the conversation.

“You see, I have only once made love to a white woman, but that was…back in high school. I really do believe I have been hooked ever since and I would like to experience it at least one more time”

Luckily my license was printed not long after that and I left.

Why do these things happen to me?