NATO melee
I don't care if people protest. I just think it is an odd thing to do when you could spend your time in a more productive manner. In particular, I do not enjoy protestors that can't just follow the rules, listen to police, and be peaceful about it.
If you get all rowdy and you are shoving policeman in riot gear, throwing bricks at them, and hitting them with some stick you bought at a craft store - why is it is a surprise you have been bloodied by a billy club? If you do not like government or the police then PLEASE - go...live off the grid somewhere. Refrain from living in a major metropolitan area where normal citizen appreciate order. Go...live off the land deep in some forest in Montana, dig a well for water, buy some solar panels for electricity and some guns, and eat squirrel. Is someone stopping you?
My favorite pics from NATO:
Yes. I have no idea why the streets were so heavily lined with police. You people are like wild animals or drunk toddlers. You can't stay where you are permitted so you must move blockades. What are you proving besides the fact that you are not fully evolved? I am sure the police of Chicago were SUPER thrilled to go through training to deal with your breed and most likely worked overtime, taking away from their free time because YOU have the free time to run wild and be destructive.
You tried to storm the Art Institute. Yes they were having some dinner in there. What would you have done if you got in there? Probably destroy priceless pieces of art because you are a classless barbarian. Yes - YOU SHOW those French Impressionists what you think of ... NATO! (wait...how is this related?)
Cool...you broke a stick over a policeman's head. You are brilliant. Please - be outraged that you got the beat down for that.
When I want to understand where people are coming from and learn something...I ALWAYS have the most respect for those dressed like freaks.
Oh my god....I had NO IDEA that Rahm invented NATO. The chaos? Yes he is responsible because you have no control of your actions or your body. You are just a puppet. WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? You should get kicked in the face for being stupid.
Once again....I am sure nothing brought the police more joy than being in Kevlar and full riot gear....when it is 90 degrees out. Let us also be aware the evil police provided a/c buses and water to the protestors.
You dumb bitch...WHAT ARE YOU DOING???? WHERE ARE YOU GOING? There is just more police and police on horses on the other side of all the police. What is your purpose? Are you high? Do you think this is an elaborate game of Red Rover? Let's say you break through....then what? What have you proved? OH then you are arrested and all mad. Great....YOU SHOULD BE ARRESTED. You were told over and over and over to GO HOME and you didn't. There is nothing over there for you. WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
Good.
OK fine - you are handing in your military honors and apparently you believe you were 'duped' into participating in the war. HOLD UP UNEDUCATED DUMMIES...ummmmmmmm....was there a draft? NO. YOU WILLING signed up for the military. No one made you. These wars have been going on for a LONG time. You were aware of them. So when you signed up...you knew you would probably go over there. Stop being silly. You can't run around playing the conscientious objector card. This is not the 60's or 70's, this is not Vietnam. Speaking of that....
YOU MAKE ME SICK. STOP trying to recreate some iconic image from the 60's. THIS IS NOT THE SAME FUCKING THING. Your originality is piss poor. You are so lame. You are not, nor will you ever be part of some kind of TIME picture of the century. You are an idiot. Good job picking a weed and trying to be symbolic and failing.
In closing, luckily this is America and if one thing can bring police and protestors together...it is fast food.
"I Can't Cook..."
Many things annoy me in life and the statement "I can't cook" is one of them.
I believe this was birthed out of the Sex & The City era. "OH LOOK AT ME! I am a dumb bitch! I love $700 shoes and have no idea how to cook! I am so sophisticated, yet adorable!!!!"
NO NO NO NO NO
Dumb bitches took this TV program way too literally. If you, as a person, are so simple that you could be easily described as a character in a TV show....you are lame. If you aspire to BE THAT character, you should be in a mental hospital.
So...you decided that not being able to cook is some ADORABLE quality - YET you are a powerful, successful professinal woman!!! You are a FEMINIST! NO! YOU, my friend, are an idiot.
Do you want to know what successful woman is a FUCKING genius? Love her or hate her. There is NO denying it: Martha Stewart.
She was a model as a teen, became a stockbroker, THEN created an fucking empire based on doing shit any self respecting woman should innately know how to do.
THAT, my friends, is a role model. You can take your fake characters from an HBO series that you model your life after and shove that up your ass. Martha Stewart? You don't have to like her. But she is incredible and REAL!!!
Back to cooking:
This is how you cook something: take item wanting to be cooked and expose it to a source of heat. Fire, oven, microwave, radiator, car engine, dishwasher on heated dry. That is how something is cooked.
Now - I get that people say "I can't cook" and really mean "I don't want to cook" "I don't like to cook" "I care not to learn something new that is typically needed for survival on earth".
When I say cook, I mean ANYTHING. I am not suggesting some novice cook open up a gourmet cookbook and make it happen. No no. Like anything in life you need to practice and work up to more difficult things.
When one learns to play the piano they aren't handed some complicated piece and told to learn it. NO. They learn how to play Mary Had A Little Lamb and move forward.
No one hands Anna Karenina over to a 7 year old to read.
Once a child learns addition they don't move on to calculus.
So - that is the thing. There are a zillion simple recipes in this world. Start there and move on.
Realize something about me: I am not taken care of, nor have I been in a LOOOOOOOOOONG time. There may be a bit of jealousy in my outrage. More - it is my annoyance for idiots which we will get to later.
Maybe I am jealous. I wish I had one less task on my plate. But I have taken care of myself forever. Some people have this luxury of going from mama and dada to college to living with a significant other and...cut. Scene. Done. Never actually had to take care of themselves.
I do everything. I take out the fucking garbage, I clean, I make the money, I pay the bills, I make meals, I do the taxes, I take care of ALL car issues (maintenance, oil change, city sticker, plate renewal, tire change, battery change), I replace belts on vacuum cleaners, I can haul a 150 pound air conditioner up 3 flights of stairs, I hang shelves, I get to and from airports, I unclog drains, I drive myself to the emergency room, I attach DVD players to TVs, I walk alone at night, I fix computers, I can navigate around my city, I relight pilot lights, I can put a 9 foot long orange coach in a Ford Explorer and drive it to a storage unit while steering with one hand and holding onto the couch with the other, I change light bulbs, I refill the ink on the printer, I do all the grocery shopping, I can miss a flight in a foreign land and rebook it ALL BY MYSELF.
AMAZING! NO NO NO Not amazing. I am a human. These are the cards I was dealt and I figure it out. I am an able bodied human. I have a brain. When you have these things....you can in fact do all normal life maintenance.
Soooo...it is annoying when one claims they "can't cook".
Most that say they 'can't cook' have not or do not actively do 90% of the above list. So figure it the fuck out.
Unless you are handicapped, illiterate, or so dumb you can not follow directions....there is no reason you 'can't cook'. You just don't want to or have to. WHICH is awesome. Just don't say you 'can not' do it. You are spoiled, admit it.
There are undoubtedly people that can't cook or have trouble cooking or just shouldn't cook:
These guys:
No. I just don't want to eat meat from a rabid raccoon you found dead on the side of the road.
This lady:
BUT...I bet she does cook. I would put money on it. She cooks up a storm.
The person attached to this:
A little difficult, but again, they probably make more of an effort than those that "can't cook"
This dude:
I would say he CAN NOT cook. BUT DON'T YOU DARE compare yourself to that. Your lack of cooking is purely laziness and an unwilling to learn and enrich your life. YOU ARE NOT A crippled genius. Don't fool yourself.
This friend:
Calm down. I am not saying those with mental disabilities CAN'T cook. I am just saying...perhaps they should be supervised around an open flame. Microwave? Totally cool. IN fact...I bet many mentally challenged people enjoy cooking and would like to do more. So....what does that say about those able minded that 'can't cook'????
Masters of Inefficiency
Nothing is more annoying to me than witnessing inefficiency.
In particular when it is interfering with my precious God-damn time. My time is actually not that precious. I JUST CAN'T STAND watching someone act like a fool. It just annoys me. I can't figure out what goes through their heads. It is like watching an adult eat a crayon or drink bleach. Why? Why would you do that? I don't get it.
For instance: when I buy alcohol and the person asks for my ID. IF ANYONE knows me they know I CAN NEVER find my freakin' ID. So I start fumbling through my wallet. I have an idea - while I am doing that, kindly bag up the beer. We both know you are only asking for it for legal reasons. LOOK AT ME! Yes - I have been blessed with amazing skin HOWEVER - we all know I am NOT under 21. Bag the beer while I look for the ID. Note the wrinkles in the billboard of a forehead I have.
I decided to video the most extreme case of inefficiency I have ever seen in my life.
The things that annoy me:
1. She is in the self check-out. She does not belong there. She is slow and has a lot of items.
2. LOOK AT IT! WATCH! She is moving items from her stupid personal cart to the counter/shelf. Then from the little counter/shelf she scans the item and places it in the bagging area..but not in a bag. I guess step three was placing them in a bag....
What in the holy hell? Why not remove the item from your cart, scan it, place in bag in one movement.
3. Something falls off the side and she takes the time to retrieve it....VERY carefully. The careful nature in the pick-up is disturbing. She handles it as though it has a spinal cord injury. REALLY? REALLY? Why not just leave it there till you bag? All you are doing is putting it in your bizarre bagging area. Why not just leave it there until you put it in an actual bag.
4. Please note the way she lifts the single roll of paper towels from the cart. She used two hands, it was a slow movement and involved a slight bend at the knee. IT IS A ROLL OF PAPER TOWELS! It is NOT an anvil.
5. I am an asshole...ok. I admit it. This annoyed me. FINE FINE...maybe she has some issue. Perhaps an old injury. If that is the case...why be in the self check-out?
6. SHE was not running around saving the earth...she bagged that shit later. So don't be thinking she had the items on deck to place in her stupid cart.
Video is below.
In particular when it is interfering with my precious God-damn time. My time is actually not that precious. I JUST CAN'T STAND watching someone act like a fool. It just annoys me. I can't figure out what goes through their heads. It is like watching an adult eat a crayon or drink bleach. Why? Why would you do that? I don't get it.
For instance: when I buy alcohol and the person asks for my ID. IF ANYONE knows me they know I CAN NEVER find my freakin' ID. So I start fumbling through my wallet. I have an idea - while I am doing that, kindly bag up the beer. We both know you are only asking for it for legal reasons. LOOK AT ME! Yes - I have been blessed with amazing skin HOWEVER - we all know I am NOT under 21. Bag the beer while I look for the ID. Note the wrinkles in the billboard of a forehead I have.
I decided to video the most extreme case of inefficiency I have ever seen in my life.
The things that annoy me:
1. She is in the self check-out. She does not belong there. She is slow and has a lot of items.
2. LOOK AT IT! WATCH! She is moving items from her stupid personal cart to the counter/shelf. Then from the little counter/shelf she scans the item and places it in the bagging area..but not in a bag. I guess step three was placing them in a bag....
What in the holy hell? Why not remove the item from your cart, scan it, place in bag in one movement.
3. Something falls off the side and she takes the time to retrieve it....VERY carefully. The careful nature in the pick-up is disturbing. She handles it as though it has a spinal cord injury. REALLY? REALLY? Why not just leave it there till you bag? All you are doing is putting it in your bizarre bagging area. Why not just leave it there until you put it in an actual bag.
4. Please note the way she lifts the single roll of paper towels from the cart. She used two hands, it was a slow movement and involved a slight bend at the knee. IT IS A ROLL OF PAPER TOWELS! It is NOT an anvil.
5. I am an asshole...ok. I admit it. This annoyed me. FINE FINE...maybe she has some issue. Perhaps an old injury. If that is the case...why be in the self check-out?
6. SHE was not running around saving the earth...she bagged that shit later. So don't be thinking she had the items on deck to place in her stupid cart.
Video is below.
Mere on Current Events
The Murder of Trayvon Martin
This is disturbing. No one is allowed the authority to act as police on the streets. Everyone should be outraged by this.
There is only one thing anyone needs to know about this and that is the 911 call that child murderer, George Zimmerman made. He was told to stop pursuing him. He did not. Apparently there was a scuffle and George Zimmerman, murdered this boy.
I typically use my blog for humor. But - this is outrageous.
George Zimmerman murdered a minor and was not put in jail immediately?
I think he is in jail now. Maybe not. I don't really have a clear understanding.
Dude best be in jail. He is clearly a threat as his judgement is in crazytown.
Then I saw that Geraldo Rivera was blaming the fact that Trayvon was wearing a hoodie was the reason for the murder.
Couple things:
1. This is the same reasoning that says when a girl is drunk, she may be legally raped.
2. Well...let's outlaw hoodies. WHAT? NO. That will send Old Navy into bankruptcy and hence the second financial crisis of the world.
I have a crazy idea: how about...MANIACS CAN'T HAVE GUNS!!!!
Seems easier to control gun sales than hoodie sales.
I don't get why people need guns, but hey - if that makes you feel better - that is your right and that is cool.
BUT - you lost that right when you are fucking maniac. Do you hate gays? Do you hate doctors that preform abortions? Do you hate people outside your race? Do you think a black minor with a bag of Skittles is a threat to you that you must murder? If you answered yes to any of those things...your 'rights' to a gun are done.
Hoodies, on the other hand, buy as many as you want.
This is disturbing. No one is allowed the authority to act as police on the streets. Everyone should be outraged by this.
There is only one thing anyone needs to know about this and that is the 911 call that child murderer, George Zimmerman made. He was told to stop pursuing him. He did not. Apparently there was a scuffle and George Zimmerman, murdered this boy.
I typically use my blog for humor. But - this is outrageous.
George Zimmerman murdered a minor and was not put in jail immediately?
I think he is in jail now. Maybe not. I don't really have a clear understanding.
Dude best be in jail. He is clearly a threat as his judgement is in crazytown.
Then I saw that Geraldo Rivera was blaming the fact that Trayvon was wearing a hoodie was the reason for the murder.
Couple things:
1. This is the same reasoning that says when a girl is drunk, she may be legally raped.
2. Well...let's outlaw hoodies. WHAT? NO. That will send Old Navy into bankruptcy and hence the second financial crisis of the world.
I have a crazy idea: how about...MANIACS CAN'T HAVE GUNS!!!!
Seems easier to control gun sales than hoodie sales.
I don't get why people need guns, but hey - if that makes you feel better - that is your right and that is cool.
BUT - you lost that right when you are fucking maniac. Do you hate gays? Do you hate doctors that preform abortions? Do you hate people outside your race? Do you think a black minor with a bag of Skittles is a threat to you that you must murder? If you answered yes to any of those things...your 'rights' to a gun are done.
Hoodies, on the other hand, buy as many as you want.
PSA posters....circa 1937
I made my profile picture a poster about pneumonia...as I have pneumonia. Obviously armed with peasant stock and viking blood, I do not feel the effects of pneumonia as the average weak person does. Nonetheless...I have it.
This poster is circa the late 30's and was created by the WPA. I am not smart and don't know what that is. I am also lazy so all I know from wikipedia is that it is some New Deal thing. I read the first line and that was that. So it seems the WPA made posters to educated the people. Like a PSA.
I love these posters.
#1:
What the hell is this? Why does it not say what 6 + 8 equals. Who is this helping? What am I missing. I fear I may be an idiot.
#2:
What? Is this informational? Is this designed to bring horror or joy? Is this good or bad? I need more direction.
#3:
You too can have one of those dishwashing jobs you have always dreamed of. What?
#4:
What? They had e-vites in the 30's?
#5:
The teacher of this class sucks. Why is that person's eyes the opposite of cross-eyed? Is that even humanly possible.
#6:
No way Jose. If the government is advertising for folks to move in....I can't imagine what goes on...
#7:
Again with the sketchy storekeeper...what was going on with produce in the late 30's? Were all storekeepers shady? It is somewhat horrifying. Yet brings me back to the question I asked on Facebook...why do we have tamper proof seals on various dairy products but produce just sits out for anyone to inject a syringe of anthrax into? Who? Who is this dairy menace that is a threat to whipped cream?
#8:
wait...wait...wait...so is this the time before federal regulations? I would assume the milk man isn't soliciting crappy milk....but that is me. Happy to pay taxes to ensure I don't need to worry about such things - me. Wait - is this what people want? A society free of gov't regulation so we can PERSONALLY worry if milk was properly tested for disease? Odd.
#9.
The number of syphilis posters is disturbing. Apparently it was a real issue.
#10.
Is this a drinking and driving poster or are they telling you not to mix gasoline with your whiskey? Was that a popular cocktail. I really am lead to believe it is the later. I don't think it was even against the law until 1983.....at the earliest.
#11.
Like I said...lots of syphilis in those days...
#12.
Vague. So vague and so horrifying. What is going on? Did the common housefly have a deadly disease?
#13.
timeless
#14.
This explains the unaffectionate generations of 'ol.
#15.
Maybe the picture should show a man with gloves on....or some other contraption that involves hand protection.
This poster is circa the late 30's and was created by the WPA. I am not smart and don't know what that is. I am also lazy so all I know from wikipedia is that it is some New Deal thing. I read the first line and that was that. So it seems the WPA made posters to educated the people. Like a PSA.
I love these posters.
#1:
What the hell is this? Why does it not say what 6 + 8 equals. Who is this helping? What am I missing. I fear I may be an idiot.
#2:
What? Is this informational? Is this designed to bring horror or joy? Is this good or bad? I need more direction.
#3:
You too can have one of those dishwashing jobs you have always dreamed of. What?
#4:
What? They had e-vites in the 30's?
#5:
The teacher of this class sucks. Why is that person's eyes the opposite of cross-eyed? Is that even humanly possible.
#6:
No way Jose. If the government is advertising for folks to move in....I can't imagine what goes on...
#7:
Again with the sketchy storekeeper...what was going on with produce in the late 30's? Were all storekeepers shady? It is somewhat horrifying. Yet brings me back to the question I asked on Facebook...why do we have tamper proof seals on various dairy products but produce just sits out for anyone to inject a syringe of anthrax into? Who? Who is this dairy menace that is a threat to whipped cream?
#8:
wait...wait...wait...so is this the time before federal regulations? I would assume the milk man isn't soliciting crappy milk....but that is me. Happy to pay taxes to ensure I don't need to worry about such things - me. Wait - is this what people want? A society free of gov't regulation so we can PERSONALLY worry if milk was properly tested for disease? Odd. #9.
The number of syphilis posters is disturbing. Apparently it was a real issue.
#10.
Is this a drinking and driving poster or are they telling you not to mix gasoline with your whiskey? Was that a popular cocktail. I really am lead to believe it is the later. I don't think it was even against the law until 1983.....at the earliest.
#11.
Like I said...lots of syphilis in those days...
#12.
Vague. So vague and so horrifying. What is going on? Did the common housefly have a deadly disease?
#13.
timeless
#14.
This explains the unaffectionate generations of 'ol.
#15.
Maybe the picture should show a man with gloves on....or some other contraption that involves hand protection.
Down with it.
I hate this:
FIRST LINE: "I am a college senior" The fact this little bitch is about to go on some self righteous diatribe and is a college senior - presumably 21 years old - is hilarious. It is hilarious to anyone that was 21. Yes - we all think we know everything at that age. But then we grow up a realize we knew shit about shit. The people that HONESTLY think they did in fact have it figured out at 21 or any age - ARE ASSHOLES that know SHIT about SHIT.
Dear Dummy,
I have some points to make:
1. You make minimum wage, work less than full time, and have no debt. Perhaps you should refrain from wasting your time writing shit on giant paper with a Sharpie (I'd love to know HOW YOU AFFORDED the Sharpie and that fancy paper - neither is cheap - they are strictly a middle class purchase not for the poverty level you live in) you should write a book, get your own TV show. Suzie Orman has NOTHING on your financial brilliance.
2. A state university? You act like that is a sacrifice. MOST PEOPLE go to state universities. OH.MY.GOD. Do you also make the sacrifice to breathe the same air as everyone? Drive on the same roads? WOW. You are a humanitarian.
3. You started saving for college at 17? WHAT THE FUCK? UNLESS you started school at 30 --- this statement is ABSURD at best. On this statement alone - you should have your degree revoked.
4. You got 'decent' grades and received NOT ONE...BUT TWO scholarships. Ok...I am going to call you BULLSHIT. You got decent grades and enrolled at a decent university and have scholarships flowing out your ass? Are you disabled? An orphan? A minority? Something is setting you apart. STOP BEING AN ASS!!!!
5. A scholarship is a handout you fucking asshole!!!!
6. The laundry list of shit you don't have. I don't have half that shit. WHY is this a sacrifice? When I was in college, we had a saying in my house "the alley shall provide"....when we needed a piece of furniture we would just roam alleys looking for shit. Stop being a little bitch. We've all been there. Some more than others.
7. Oh golly! And the rest - well...you got IT ALL FIGURED OUT!!! Congrats. I got news for you sweetheart, you live in a dream world. I hope life continues to be a piece of cake as it has been so you can look down on everyone else. Everyone else that has also worked hard and found themselves in situations they NEVER thought they'd be in when they were a know-it-all college senior.
FIRST LINE: "I am a college senior" The fact this little bitch is about to go on some self righteous diatribe and is a college senior - presumably 21 years old - is hilarious. It is hilarious to anyone that was 21. Yes - we all think we know everything at that age. But then we grow up a realize we knew shit about shit. The people that HONESTLY think they did in fact have it figured out at 21 or any age - ARE ASSHOLES that know SHIT about SHIT.
Dear Dummy,
I have some points to make:
1. You make minimum wage, work less than full time, and have no debt. Perhaps you should refrain from wasting your time writing shit on giant paper with a Sharpie (I'd love to know HOW YOU AFFORDED the Sharpie and that fancy paper - neither is cheap - they are strictly a middle class purchase not for the poverty level you live in) you should write a book, get your own TV show. Suzie Orman has NOTHING on your financial brilliance.
2. A state university? You act like that is a sacrifice. MOST PEOPLE go to state universities. OH.MY.GOD. Do you also make the sacrifice to breathe the same air as everyone? Drive on the same roads? WOW. You are a humanitarian.
3. You started saving for college at 17? WHAT THE FUCK? UNLESS you started school at 30 --- this statement is ABSURD at best. On this statement alone - you should have your degree revoked.
4. You got 'decent' grades and received NOT ONE...BUT TWO scholarships. Ok...I am going to call you BULLSHIT. You got decent grades and enrolled at a decent university and have scholarships flowing out your ass? Are you disabled? An orphan? A minority? Something is setting you apart. STOP BEING AN ASS!!!!
5. A scholarship is a handout you fucking asshole!!!!
6. The laundry list of shit you don't have. I don't have half that shit. WHY is this a sacrifice? When I was in college, we had a saying in my house "the alley shall provide"....when we needed a piece of furniture we would just roam alleys looking for shit. Stop being a little bitch. We've all been there. Some more than others.
7. Oh golly! And the rest - well...you got IT ALL FIGURED OUT!!! Congrats. I got news for you sweetheart, you live in a dream world. I hope life continues to be a piece of cake as it has been so you can look down on everyone else. Everyone else that has also worked hard and found themselves in situations they NEVER thought they'd be in when they were a know-it-all college senior.
When You're a Jet, You're a Jet
...from your first cigarette till your last dying day!!!!!!!!!!!
OR....something like that. It's from West Side Story.
I love a good musical.
I have a story in my life where I say "it was like West Side Story"
I like it. NO. I LOVE saying that.
What happened? Me. I happened.
There was a disagreement of some sort at a Filibertos.
Filibertos is a popular Mexican eatery for drunks. I could write an entire blog post about Fils. How you order. How you don't. How I nearly died on a bike trying to keep balance while holding a burrito while drunk. How I found a giant raw shrimp in the middle of my "Arizona burrito, no pico, plus sour cream"....but I won't. We are focusing on one evening.
So...some disagreement. Some white girls and some Hispanics.
West Side Story.
I, drunk, ironed it out. I wanted to make peace. Then , I, drunk, JUST HAD TO HAVE the last word. The Hispanics walk to the door. I am kneeling at a booth, holding a soda in my hand. I say some smart ass thing as they are walking out the door. The dude looks at me. "ahh crap" I think...just pissed him off. He back hands me across the face, knocks my drink out of my hand.
My friend, Mary, is up before my drink even meets the wall. She grabs him, punches him in the face.
IT. IS. ON.
WEST. SIDE. STORY.
I did nothing in this battle but provoke it. I didn't throw one punch. This shames me. But, it was confusing. I wasn't prepared. The insanity was overwhelming.
Suddenly there was punches to the head and screaming. At one point someone picked up one of the Hispanics and threw him across a condiment stand and straws went flying everywhere. It was the 4th of July of straws.
I am not kidding. You take away the blades and queer dancing...it was West Side Story.
I remember looking over at the workers at one point and they were all behind walls, watching with only their heads poking out.
It is Arizona. I can't believe no one had a gun. Someone yelled they were calling the police. My other friend said "NO NO NO. We are drunk, no calling the police".
The Hispanics left at a police threat and someone did call. The police were there in moments but the Hispanics already left. They were not new to crime. This was not their first rodeo, they backed their car out of the parking lot. In AZ we don't have front license plates so...this is a good idea. We couldn't get a plate number.
The police talked to us about it. One said "let me get this straight, you girls got in a fist fight with some Mexican thugs, are unharmed, and they ran away?"
Yes...yes...that is true.
It is a lesson to all. Do not fuck with me or my friends. Mostly my friends because I was worthless in this event.
OR....something like that. It's from West Side Story.
I love a good musical.
I have a story in my life where I say "it was like West Side Story"
I like it. NO. I LOVE saying that.
What happened? Me. I happened.
There was a disagreement of some sort at a Filibertos.
Filibertos is a popular Mexican eatery for drunks. I could write an entire blog post about Fils. How you order. How you don't. How I nearly died on a bike trying to keep balance while holding a burrito while drunk. How I found a giant raw shrimp in the middle of my "Arizona burrito, no pico, plus sour cream"....but I won't. We are focusing on one evening.So...some disagreement. Some white girls and some Hispanics.
West Side Story.
I, drunk, ironed it out. I wanted to make peace. Then , I, drunk, JUST HAD TO HAVE the last word. The Hispanics walk to the door. I am kneeling at a booth, holding a soda in my hand. I say some smart ass thing as they are walking out the door. The dude looks at me. "ahh crap" I think...just pissed him off. He back hands me across the face, knocks my drink out of my hand.
My friend, Mary, is up before my drink even meets the wall. She grabs him, punches him in the face.
IT. IS. ON.WEST. SIDE. STORY.
I did nothing in this battle but provoke it. I didn't throw one punch. This shames me. But, it was confusing. I wasn't prepared. The insanity was overwhelming.
Suddenly there was punches to the head and screaming. At one point someone picked up one of the Hispanics and threw him across a condiment stand and straws went flying everywhere. It was the 4th of July of straws.
I am not kidding. You take away the blades and queer dancing...it was West Side Story.I remember looking over at the workers at one point and they were all behind walls, watching with only their heads poking out.
It is Arizona. I can't believe no one had a gun. Someone yelled they were calling the police. My other friend said "NO NO NO. We are drunk, no calling the police".
The Hispanics left at a police threat and someone did call. The police were there in moments but the Hispanics already left. They were not new to crime. This was not their first rodeo, they backed their car out of the parking lot. In AZ we don't have front license plates so...this is a good idea. We couldn't get a plate number. The police talked to us about it. One said "let me get this straight, you girls got in a fist fight with some Mexican thugs, are unharmed, and they ran away?"
Yes...yes...that is true.
It is a lesson to all. Do not fuck with me or my friends. Mostly my friends because I was worthless in this event.
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